The more I read and the more I waste time on the internet, the more I find out that there are loads of other women/wives/moms who are living a life similar to mine. Not just the going overseas thing, but the living in-between thing, the need for creativity thing, the longing for home and/or security thing... I'm continually blessed and surprised to find out that I'm a) not alone, b) not a weirdo, and c) the bearer of needs and desires that may just in fact be God-given.
With that in mind, I find myself following a blog and doing whatever this nice lady tells me to. So on Fridays (or up till now, Tuesdays) that means write for 5 minutes on a topic and not looking back. I think you should try it, too.
I feel the most loved, when...
I know I am loved. I know that people love on me and my kids all the time, through prayers and generosity and playdates and shared stories. This is a fact and I'm so grateful for it. And yet there are times where I don't think I recognize the actual feeling of being loved. This is not for lack of the loving occurring, but a result of me not truly living in and relishing the moment, not seeing through an act of kindness or a spoken word to the heart of the person doing or saying it. I confess that at times I'm not even paying attention to it, much to my own harm and eventual regret.
Having said that, I can say there are times when I do feel it in my bones and revel in its warmth:
when I leave the bedroom and meet the boy in the hallway, he comes up to me, puts my face in his hands and says, "You look beautiful, Mom."
when I hear the grinding of coffee beans from the kitchen (at 11:30pm) and know the husband makes sure my morning - our morning - gets off to the best start.
when I open the door and the baby comes running, claps his hands together, and laughing he opens his palms to me and jumps.
when the girl says, "This sticker is for playing 'All the Single Ladies.' Thanks, Mama."
when I'm prayed over, sung over, blessed over and over...
There are so many more, so many people, so many ways God is raining down love on my curly mop-head. I want to pay attention. I want to live a life of intention... love intentionally, give intentionally, feel intentionally. I think I might be ready to feel - and accept - the love.