Best of the Double-Os

So a friend of mine posted a blog post on the top 40 songs of 2009. I'm not as adept a music listener as he, but it inspired me to make my own list. So here's my:

Top Forty(two) Songs of the '00s

(in no particular order... actually, in reverse alphabetical order)

1. 1st of july / Foy Vance (I have no idea what album this is from, but my sister gave it to me so I heart it)
2. yahweh / U2 / How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
3. Work / Jars Of Clay / Good Monsters
4. When Your Mind's Made Up / The Frames / The Cost
5. When You Were Young / The Killers / Sam's Town
6. When The Saints / Sara Groves / Tell Me What You Know
7. When It Was Over / Sara Groves / Add To The Beauty
8. Viva La Vida / Coldplay / Viva la Vida
9. Use Somebody / Kings of Leon / Only By the Night
10. Universe & U / KT Tunstall / Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack, Vol II (I think)
11. tribute / Tenacious D / Tenacious D
12. This Too Shall Be Made Right / Derek Webb / The Ringing Bell
13. Sweet Child o' Mine / Taken By Trees / Sweet Child o' Mine / Above You - Single
14. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking / Snow Patrol / Final Straw
15. Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) / Beyoncé / I Am Sasha Fierce
16. Sing To Jesus / Fernando Ortega / Storm
17. Shiver / Coldplay / Parachutes
18. The Scientist / Coldplay / A Rush Of Blood To The Head
19. Run / Snow Patrol / Final Straw
20. Rocky Took A Lover / Bell X1 / Flock
21. Revolution / Jars Of Clay / The Eleventh Hour
22. Politik / Coldplay / A Rush Of Blood To The Head
23. The Planets Bend Between Us / Snow Patrol / A Hundred Million Suns
24. original of the species / U2 / How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
25. Open Your Eyes / Snow Patrol / Eyes Open
26. Oh My God / Jars Of Clay / Good Monsters
27. Maybe There's A Loving God / Sara Groves / All Right Here
28. Magnificent / U2 / No Line On The Horizon
29. Lies / Glen Hansard / Once (Music from the Motion Picture)
30. Kite / U2 / All That You Can't Leave Behind
31. Jeremiah / Sara Groves / The Other Side Of Something
32. Is It Any Wonder? / Keane / Under The Iron Sea
33. He Said She Said / Bell X1 / Flock
34. Falling Slowly / Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova / Once (Music from the Motion Picture)
35. Crazy In Love / Snow Patrol / Up to Now
36. Clocks / Coldplay / A Rush Of Blood To The Head
37. Chicago / Sufjan Stevens / Illinoise
38. Breakeven / The Script / The Script
39. Blessed Be Your Name / Matt Redman / Blessed Be Your Name: The Songs Of Matt Redman
40. Best Of You / Foo Fighters / In Your Honor [Disc 1]
41. Beauty Of Uncertainty / KT Tunstall / Drastic Fantastic
42. all because of you / U2 / How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

What's my criteria? Well, if I can play the song on repeat like 10 times and never get tired of it. Or if only by hearing that one song was I moved to purchase the whole album. Or any song that made me laugh and/or cry out loud ("Tribute," for instance, accomplishes both of these things). Some of these songs might not be the best of the whole decade, but their my favourite. What are yours?

My Year in Status on Facebook

Nook & Nest

I have a nook and a nest. When I lay down on the sofa, one squirmy child finds her way between my neck and arm - the nook, whilst the boy plops down behind the curve of my bent knees - the nest. Apparently I have the perfect body for two children, with a nook and a nest. Where do I put the third? There's just not enough of me...

JOY

Thanksgiving update and some other stuff

Update: Thanksgiving was a success! It was quite the international event, as we had friends from Zimbabwe, Germany, Ireland and Northern Ireland here with us. I'm not sure how much they enjoyed the football, but the company was great and it was nice to again have a full house.

Now we are enjoying a visit from Matt's parents, which is so wonderful and much-needed. We had such a brilliant time with all my parents here that once they were gone, we were quite bummed. And the kids so needed grandparent-time again. I hate to think that it'll come to and end too soon.

And thanks all for your kind words about dear Ella. She's back to her hell-raising self, pic below to prove it:

Ella as Flower Power

Keenly aware

We had every ambitious intention of hosting a Thanksgiving gathering for our Irish friends. Really we did. But then Ella was hospitalized for four days and all hell broke loose.

I was doing fine with it. Really, I was. On Friday evening a friend drove me and the boys to the hospital so I could spend a few precious minutes with the girl and collect the car. It became more complicated due to the hospital being closed to visitors, especially children, so we waited in the cold for Matt to trade with me. The boys, so good, spent a good majority of the weekend waiting in the car in the dark and the wind and the rain. For the first 2 1/2 days, I handled that OK. It was lonely, it was stressful, it was exhausting driving back and forth twice a day - a half hour trip each way - carrying the baby to and from the car, nursing him in the front seat, feeding Jackson fast food (when I remembered to feed him, that is). I was handling it. I was super single Mom.

Then Sunday afternoon the doctors told us she'd have to spend one more night in hospital. I was with her all afternoon and early evening while she slept, reading a book in a recliner by her bedside. I thought to myself, for no particular reason, that there was no one. No one to call. No one to come visit her. No one to leave the boys with. No one to bring us food. No one to remind me to feed Jackson. No one to update. We were in the midst of a real health emergency, and I felt as if I had no one.

I cried all this out in the empty children's ward and on the phone with Matt. He reminded me that the boys were fine, Ella was on her way to being fine, and we would all be fine once she was home. "But I'm not fine!" I shouted to him. I'm not fine. I needed my family, I needed a friend, I needed someone to help me put the boys to bed and to stay with them when I was at the hospital. I needed to be in the same room with Matt. I needed Asher to take a bottle. I was in need. And that feeling really sucked.

The truth is, there are people here. We aren't alone. There are people who love us here and who we love. But having been able to rely on my family and close friends for years and years, I have no idea how to ask for help from new friends. I cry help, but only in my head - never out loud. Thankfully, I have Matt, who asks for help on my behalf. He passed the boys into the open arms of our wonderful neighbour, came to the hospital, and held me. The first time in 3 days we had been in the same room. He knew I needed help.

So Ella just came home on Monday, the house is a mess, I am a mess, and our Thanksgiving plans are now a mess. So instead of serving everyone a big dinner, we've invited them over to share in some American football joy, our favourite Thanksgiving tradition. I need the company, I need the companionship. I hope it comes.

No pigs here

So we thought the swine flu had infiltrated our house. Ella had been sick for nearly a week, Asher was sounding gross as well, and Mommy had seen better days. Turns out that E had a major chest infection and is currently spending her 3rd day in the hospital. Good news is she's feeling loads better (as evidenced by the picture below), though still needs some monitoring for the oxygen levels in her blood. Hopefully she'll be released today. We're so happy to be getting our Ella-monster back. It's been quite an ordeal.

Oh, and Asher has bronchiolitis. He's finally starting to eat better, but a sick baby who can't breathe through his nose is an angry baby. Mommy's hanging in there, too. Sore throat and unbelievably runny nose, but still kickin' it.

Long week.

Late nights are good for writers

I was just thinking that I wish I had time to write or update the blog, but seeing as how I've usually got a child in my hands or around my legs, the writing has been one of those things I've had to sacrifice in order to be an attentive parent. However, Saturday nights the man is away late at youth group, the kids are finally in bed (for now) and I'm finding myself with just a bit of time before the laundry buzzes and the pacifier falls out in order to write.

Now, what to say...

Like everyone else in the world these days, finances weigh heavily on my mind. It's actually been a downright scary few weeks, coming face to face with the possibility of leaving here sooner than expected. But a good friend of ours says all we need to worry about is having enough for today. And amazingly, God has given us enough for all the days up till now and the weight that's been hanging on our shoulders isn't as heavy as it was at first. We're planning on staying put for now, but I have a tendency to prepare myself for disappointment anyway.

This week the boy said something sad that made me audibly gasp and reach for some kleenex.

"It's too bad I don't have any friends." He didn't seem particularly upset about that realisation, but I was!

I said, "Jackson! You don't think you have any friends?"

"Well, I have pretend friends. And that's fun!" he replies.

What is a mother to do? What on earth do I say when I know it is, in fact, a true statement? The child does not have any friends. I think we've dropped the ball somewhere along the way... I'm so sad that the ball that was dropped was a need for our child.

The baby boy is tearing me apart in altogether different ways. Why is sleep always the issue? I'm facing the prospect of permanently giving up caffeine. Not something I'm looking forward to doing, but again, this mother is at a loss on how to proceed otherwise. I just realised that I'm not just a mother, but I'm a mother of boys. Plural. I worry next to nothing about the girl (she's a tough girl, with a capital T), but it's the boys that I fret over. Is that weird?

Oh, and I'm thinking of cutting off all my hair. There's only so much pulling and tearing and spit-up one head of hair can handle in a day. Thoughts? Is it really smart to cut one's hair super short if it is thick and curly?

I should be sleeping...

...but Asher's not, so I gotta wait him out before I hit the sheets.

The man is away in London right now at the NFL game. I'm glad he got to go, but I hate being alone in the house at night. Ever since I walked into my mother's empty house (aged 18) at 3 am in the morning minutes after it had been ransacked by thieves, I just don't do well home alone in the dark. I mean, I really really hate it. Which just goes to show you how much I love him. :)

So when the man's away, I try to stay up as late as possible until I can't keep my eyes open any longer and then no longer have the wits about me to be too afraid to sleep. I do this one of two ways: by watching movies and tv shows downloaded from iTunes, or playing on the internet. Tonight is internet night and I have found myself completely drawn into the world of a baby boy who died three years ago.

I'm not quite sure what it is about this story that intrigues me. I mean, there's the God component. I saw the family on Oprah a few weeks ago and I knew just from the sound of the story that they were believers. Then there's the fact that I just gave birth to my own son, who for some twist of fate or luck or providence is totally, completely healthy. (I always wonder at the supposed randomness of God's works. I mean, I know it's not random, but I really do wonder why He chose me to be the mother of healthy children and yet He chose others... well... it's too hard a question for me, I guess).

And then there's that the baby's name is Eliot. This was the name we chose for the baby we lost in 2005. I've never told anyone that, that that was the name, anyway.

Even though I only discovered this story now, years after the fact, I desperately wanted their Eliot to live. I am completely enraptured by this story, by the pictures, by the faith, by the grief. I really don't know why. I do know one thing, though. This family knows God in a way I don't yet know Him. For that, I long...

Baby blues

So I'm feeling a bit trapped at the moment. The girl has a fever, the baby has colic, and when the man is at work, I'm stranded in the middle of the country without a car or a friend or a sister.

(sorry, tears came so I had to pause)

When the girl was fussy as a baby, I would just pile everyone into the Jeep and take them to Target, or go have lunch with my mom downtown. I'd visit my stepmom and nephews after school or take the kids to the park in the city that I loved so much. But here I can't do any of that. I just sit and wait and pray, hoping that eventually everyone will fall asleep and I can rest or cry, usually both.

Oh, but the big boy is brill. As long as I keep a steady stream of crisps and cartoons coming, he's happy as a clam.

So this is a joyful post. 9 more months and we go back to the States for home assignment. Is it wrong that I'm almost nearly counting down the days? Guess I'll just chalk it up to baby blues. It's normal, right?