I'm in complete denial that the end of the year is inching ever closer. This year has been a lifechanger for us - literally - and I'm kind of sad to think of it being over, of starting anew. And you know how I get absolutely melancholy in the month leading up to Christmas. But all that's still to come. For now, we celebrate November and what a mad month it was in our little house (hint: cold & flu season).

READING

Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott, is a continuing source of inspiration and encouragement. I often laugh to myself reading it, and then upon Matt's queries, find myself rereading section after section aloud to him. I'm still working on this book (months after first mentioning it) because at the end of every chapter, I just have to dig into a keyboard or notebook.

The Crimes of Charlotte Bronte by James Tulley seemed promising. What really happened to all those lonely sisters? A handsome young man and mysterious poisonings? But the narration lagged in starts and turns every chapter and I found myself righteously indignant on behalf of the Bronte sisters for being subject to caricatures in someone else's sad stories.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. This book was just... wow... I'm still ruminating on it. It's dark and clever and light and terrible and all told from the perspective of the bravest, saddest 7 year old boy I've ever come across. I was afraid to come back to this book after putting it down, and yet I couldn't not turn the page. I have a feeling the myth of the Hempstocks and all that happened on that lane will stay with me for years to come.

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn. I want to love Flynn, as a fellow native Kansas Citian turned Chicago transplant. Like Gone Girl, I struggled with the personalities and motivations of every character, but was drawn into the dysfunction and the depth of murder in this scary small town. With only 30 pages left, I had to sneak a peak at the end just to quell the anxiety that seemed to rise within my chest with every turn of the page. Flynn is an amazing storyteller, even if her stories are of the devastatingly twisted variety.

Allegiant by Veronica Roth finally released and I gobbled it up in a day and half, and then spit it out. Oh, young adult fiction. You just aren't gonna match up to Hunger Games. Give your young people something new to chew on, not just governmental conspiracy after governmental conspiracy after governmental conspiracy. Oh, and what lies beyond the cruel fence beyond a post-apocalyptic Chicago? O'Hare Airport, of course! Sillies. Though I loved much of the Divergent series and especially appreciated the Chicago setting and complex family dynamics, I struggled to maintain an attachment to the narrative in the final book. The narrator changed nearly every chapter between two characters who were so alike I had to keep checking who was actually telling the story. And I found Four/Tobias sadly underdeveloped after a particularly promising start in Divergent. What say you?

In the queue: The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde, the Wool series by Hugh Howey and Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey (I'm late to the party on this one, but waiting until its release here in Ireland so I can underline the heck out of it and share it with my lady friends). 

TV

Did anything else happen this month besides the Doctor Who 50th anniversary special? Since we don't get BBC we indulged our inner nerds and saw Day of the Doctor in the cinema with 3D glasses and loads of adorably cute older men (and little boys) in bow ties. It was fantastic, as I knew it would be, and a fun cultural experience to be a part of. We've also been watching Spooks (aka MI-5) on Netflix, only furthering our belief that British dramas win at everything (Matt says it's like a British Alias, but better, to which I responded: "How dare you?!" and haven't spoken to him since).

MOVIES

I saw Blue Jasmine in the cinema, even though I'm not predisposed to Woody Allen. But Clate Blanchett, like always, was brilliant and the film left my heart achingly frustrated. And my friend Bronagh indulged me by participating in my annual viewing of You've Got Mail. Other than saving myself for Catching Fire (not yet seen as of this posting), our library loot includes The Conspirator, Lincoln and Despicable Me 2. 

MUSIC

Last week we finally cashed in my last birthday present and saw The Lumineers live in Dublin. It's slightly concerning to be of the mid-30s mindset where you wonder if you'll be the oldest at any particular thing. Nevertheless I put on my hipster shoes and skinny jeans, reminiscing about the good ole days where my sister and I would stand in line for 12 hours in the freezing rain for a chance to be "in the heart" for U2 in Kansas City, clapped with my man to Big Parade and sang loudly to Stubborn Love. They put on a great live show. My only complaint: their music is so succinct, many songs were over just as you started stomping your feet. :)

On iTunes repeat starting today: Sufjan Stevens Songs for Christmas and Silver & Gold, Arcade Fire's Reflektor, and revisiting a favourite: Everyone's Beautiful by Waterdeep.

THINGS I LOVE

• Seeing Matt realize a life-long dream of visiting Berlin
• Autumn's final song, nearly 3 months after the first red leaves dropped
• Matt and I sharing chips and a burger from a food cart while queuing for a show
• Getting our hibernating Christmas tree out of the attic
• My very first time hosting Thanksgiving, especially for the lovely time with our American friends and colleagues here in our home.
• Remembering CS Lewis on the 50th anniversary of his death. Of the two Irishmen who died on November 22 1963, I defer to Lewis, every time. His words have influenced the trajectory our life, our understanding of love and the hearts of our children who recognize the spirit of God in Aslan.
• Road trips to familiar places
• My new blog design
• Writing class... so thankful for the people I met and the push I needed to try something new and risky
• Trying my amateur hand at fiction
• Skype dates and coffee dates and Ikea dates with friends, so many friends, everywhere. 
• When the fever breaks and the smiles of the little ones return
• Babysitters who love my kids
• Studying, praying, learning peace for our 50 days of peace experiment
• This post by Shauna Niequist on motherhood, calling and being fully alive in God: “What’s so sad is that when women fail to take their lives seriously, nobody wins. Our kids didn’t win. They got a devoted, conscientious mother, who picked up after them and made sure they got their homework done. They got a mother who adored them, prayed for them, always wanted the best for them. But they didn’t get a happy mother. They didn’t get a fun mother. They didn’t get to see, up close and personal, a woman fully alive in God."

For other things I love, make sure you visit me at Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. I never take pictures of food; that's a promise.

ON THE BLOG

Most read post this month :: Doing the math :: thoughts on Jenkins, gambling and wealth
My favourite post this month :: How stupid gets washed away

SCRIPTURE

Turn your back on sin; do something good. 
Embrace peace - don't let it get away!
Psalm 34:14 {the message}

Linking up with...

What's been on your plate this month? Any good, new Christmas music out there?

What I'm Into {September 2013}

Short, sweet and to the point:

BOOKS

Did you know I'm a secret introvert? My faux-extroverted days are over, so I'm reading Quiet by Susan Cain for pointers, inspiration and commiseration. Also loving my time with the kiddos reading Jesus Calling for Kids. In the queue... Summertime by J.M. Coetzee and The Crimes of Charlotte Bronte by James Tully. Sadly, I had low reading aspirations this month.

TV

Ah! We finished Broadchurch and, just, wow. Fantastic and heartbreaking and haunting. Also? Downton Abbey has returned! Yes, Downton is the last stronghold of the British Empire and the one thing in which America is literally behind. If you're in the US and can't wait till January, Rage Against the Minivan has a way around that for you. :)

MOVIES

I love Netflix. High Fidelity is a long-time favourite, but upon recent viewing, did not anticipate the immense homesickness I felt for Chicago and the late 90s music scene. Also, Prometheus? No, just no. In the queue, 50/50 and State of Play.

MUSIC and/or VIDEOS

Shuffling through the entire Josh Garrels catalog, Arcade Fire's new single Reflektor (and spending too much time watching old videos on youtube... Ready to Start is my current favourite), and - of course - The Fox.



THINGS I LOVE

A Saturday afternoon spent climbing a hill and sitting by the sea
Irish museums and Franciscan artifacts
Windowseats in above-mentioned Irish museums, where one can sit undetected, writing in the shadows
Compassion International, blog month, and reading of lives changed and saved through child sponsorship
The free creative writing course at the local library
Related: new friends
Watching my sister try on and then find her wedding dress via skype... (many thanks to Emily for capturing the above images)
Friday morning date with my man
Pumpkin-flavoured anything (especially lattes)
When I successfully make a meal my children will eat willingly
My new smoky-teal bathroom (colour: dragonfly)
Anticipating Eleanor the First coming for Christmas
The reappearance of the piano wall

BLOGS AND OTHER ONLINE THINGS

In which we can only testify by our absence (guest post by Anne Bogel) / Sarah Bessey
It doesn't take much to make me happy / The Bloggess
In Culture Shift, Evangelical College Lifts Alcohol Ban / The New York Times
Forget Twitter. In St. Louis, Bare Your Soul Via Typewriter / NPR
Writing Off-Brand / Caryn Rivadeneira
Romantigrams / The Urban Romantic
Karen's Hard Question about Compassion Bloggers / Shaun Groves
Louis C.K.'s Explanation of Why He Hates Smartphones Is Sad, Brilliant / Gawker

Come visit me at Twitter or Facebook to discuss other things, links and Lip-Sync battles we love.

ON THE BLOG

most-read :: I come home
personal favourite :: The marriage bed

SCRIPTURE

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I."

Isaiah 58:6-9 [NIV] 

***

What were YOU into this month?

What I'm Into {August 2013}

Another month is over and this one was nearly as wild as the last. We had visitors, travelled to Germany, started school back up again, and celebrated a couple of birthdays. In the midst of all this, we missed our old home in Kansas City just a little bit and missed our stateside family much more than just a little bit. And I wrote a little bit. And then I didn't. I submitted some stuff and I waited (still waiting, actually).

This month was more than I bargained for, but isn't it always that way? Then before you know it, the wind turns and there's tiny golden leaves hiding in your backgarden. Summer is over. Autumn come quickly.

BOOKS

I'm sure this will come as a shock, but Christian Fiction, as a genre, generally disagrees with me. Or I with it. I don't know if it was all the Karen Kingsbury novels I binged on in the early 2000s or the Janette Oke(eydokey) young love reads. If I were to defer to any type of "Christian" fiction, give me Greene or Lewis (images of Christ abounding, the former of which hidden among scandalous love and despair), and if I were to be honest, give me some Francine Rivers (love her beautiful, touching Lineage of Grace series).

So it was with a bit of trepidation sprinkled with optimism that I read Shades of Mercy, by Anita Lustrea and Caryn Rivadeneira. And I've got to tell you: I liked it. A lot. More than I thought I would. This is a story where simple (in the best way) characters come up against difficult issues of race, discrimination and doing what's right in the face of societal odds. The heart of this story is Mercy, but the compass is her father, Paul, who does more than tolerate those who are different. He leads in love (more than words) and depth of character (more than pity). Not only did I enjoy this read, but I could give it to my 10-year-old and discuss the themes, the calling, and the obligation we have to show mercy, grace, and compassion on everyone. I also deeply appreciate the research and sources the authors took advantage of in writing the story of the Maliseet... those of us who grew up in the boom of the 80s haven't really been encouraged to comprehend (or even discover) the plight of Native Americans, then and now. [you can see a trailer for the book here]

Also... Painted Ladies, by Siobhán Parkinson. This was my Germany read, which actually suited it quite nicely. Spanning Copenhagen and Paris in the late 19th century, Painted Ladies follows the young life of Marie, the real-life wife of artist Soren Kroyer. It's beautifully written, ironically tricking you into coveting the same romantic artist lifestyle that is a sweet mirage, cut with sharp edges. It's hard to root for the lovers, though (he's standoffish, she's willfully ignorant) and the ending is ultimately unsatisfying, but despite these more-than-minor-details, Painted Ladies was a summer read I could not put down.

And an e-book: Take Courage, by my friend Jennifer Ebenhack, who bravely welcomes us into her shifting world as she struggles with panic, anxiety and fear culminating in the Haiti 2010 earthquake and lingering as she and her family make a new home and life in the States. I'm so thankful she took the time to share her journey, write down her hopes, and remind us where true reality is found. And I'm so grateful to see how God brought her through, brings her through still, as she heals and moves forward as a mother and writer. Not many of us would be this transparent and honest, but with Jennifer's testimony, we all may have a little more courage to be so.

TV

So, we're only watching one show this month and it's Broadchurch. I'm a sucker for emotionally intense crime dramas and this UK series fits the bill to the max. Only 8 episodes tell the story of murdered boy Danny and the family, town and police dealing in the aftermath. Who killed him? I think it's Joe, the husband of Detective Ellie. But we're only halfway through (spacing it out, so as not to experience David Tennant overload - and then withddrawal - like we did with Doctor Who), so don't tell me!

MOVIES

Last night we finally saw Star Trek Into Darkness. It was so intense, I spent most of the movie curled under Matt's arm hiding my eyes (a rarity, as you are aware of my aversion to cuddling) and then couldn't sleep for an hour. Also, I'm devoted to Benedict Cumberbatch. There, I said it. And he was crazy, scary good.

MUSIC

All of our new music this month came from Noisetrade, a music download service that offers you the chance to download EPs (and sometimes whole albums) for free, but with a tip-leaving option. We got music from Jars of Clay, Audrey Assad and Derek Webb. 

And for my birthday? Tickets to see The Lumineers in Dublin in November. Hooray!

THINGS I LOVE

• skipping through Dublin
• after dinner walks
• a trip overseas, just Matt and me
• cool, fresh, mountain air
• a visit from my mom and sister, graciously babysitting for a week plus a couple of days of pure fun
• summer field trips with the kiddos
• Jack having a brilliant time at kids club
• birthday dinners with friends (who bring pressies, and flowers, and cake!)
• the first day of school coffee with matt (without kids)
• our giant sunflower in the back garden, finally in bloom
• lunch in the playbarn with the wee lad, on our final day together before preschool starts
• new friends
• old friends
• hearing about the history, culture and love of words among the Irish as they celebrate the life (and mourn the passing) of Seamus Heaney... I can't get over how art and Ireland are so intertwined... they breathe words here. I am in love.

...for more things I love, you can follow me on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

posing in front of the American Ambassador's Residence... somehow we always make a scene.

ON THE BLOG

Most read... this old post on Equally Shared Parenting, due to a very nice retweet from Rachel Held Evans

Runner up... We do marriage counseling (and it is good)

My favourite... On how God's way is a beautiful mystery, revealed to me on my birthday

SCRIPTURE (new addition)

All sunshine and sovereign is God,
generous in gifts and glory.
He doesn’t scrimp with his traveling companions.
It’s smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies.
Psalm 84:11-12 [the message]

***

So that's it for August. What are you reading, watching, listening to? I'm in need of some new book inspiration... would love some ideas!

What I'm Into (July 2013)

July was insane. Just insane. There was a road trip out west and camogie and serve week and computer camp and days without end where we stayed in pajamas for 24 hours straight (and then some). Summer always knocks me on my rear, and this one appears to be no exception. So before we hop on a plane, leave the kiddos behind with some family, do some more work and prepare for the next school year to start in 29 days (what? I'm not counting!), here's what I'm into:

BOOKS

Prodigal Summer, by Barbara Kingsolver :: This is the first giant novel I've tackled in a long time and I'm nearly done. Oh, I really like this one, like experiencing the rhythms of nature through the eyes of the Appalachian female and how we're more animal than we realize.

Coming up...

I've checked out The Astronaut Wives Club and Painted Ladies for our trip to Germany next week. And the husband is requesting I attempt to read Tangible Kingdom again. Actually, I've started reading it multiple times, attended the conferences, bought the t-shirt and I'm all-in, I'm just lousy at reading non-fiction, particularly church/work non-fiction. Stay tuned.

TV

We are almost done with Doctor Who! Just three more episodes and we'll be all caught up for the 50th anniversary. Have to tell you, though, not really loving it right now. It's like a first love that you're head over heels for and then you realise he's not funny all the time, and he yells at his sister, and maybe you got too serious too fast... I may be taking this all too seriously.

Other things on the telly/netflix... Portlandia (Season 3), The Americans (it's like Alias, but with Cosby sweaters, 80s music, and a super-mean Felicity), and New Girl (finally watched season finale, and... meh).

MOVIES

Silver Linings Playbook :: Finally got a chance to sit Matt down and force-feed this to him. Like a good man, he loved it just as much as I told him he should.

Saving Private Ryan :: I forgot how every single male actor in Hollywood was in this movie. I also forgot how melodramatic the soundtrack was. And how much I love Tom Hanks.

American Gangster :: Love this movie. Denzel is scary and Russell is the ultimate flawed hero.

MUSIC

On repeat... The Swell Season, Mumford & Sons, Waterdeep Worship.

VIDEO

This video (and article) of The Civil Wars made me feel all sad. Beautiful, haunting, sad.



THINGS I LOVE

Roadtrips
Sunsets over the ocean
Rare thunderstorms
Family coming to visit
Making new friends
Reading in an actual book made of paper
Collecting my happy kids after a day of camp
The "unrelenting sun"
Rain returning
Walks in the evening with our crew
Haircuts
Kiddos stargazing and a crackling fire

ON THE BLOG
We are all so beautiful (most-read)
Roundabout Russian Roulette (my fave)

So how about you? What were you into this month?

Note: links include amazon affiliates. if you click over and purchase, i may get a nickel or two. eventually. :)

Brought to you by the link-up at Hopeful Leigh

Five Friday (and/or Saturday) Favourites

A day late, but here are the goods:

1) yankee BAKER :: Our friend Sheryl is running a fabulous little bakery business out of her home in Dublin. For our anniversary, we enjoyed her amazing cinnamon rolls and I'm sure we'll be frequent customers (and weight gainers). If you're local, please visit her page and order some tasty treats!

2) Loop Head :: One of the perks to our job is we can frequently "take our kids to work," especially when we are visiting other members of our organization. So this week we grabbed the fam and visited a coworker on the west side of Ireland. She was so gracious to show us around and let our kids explore a bit this beautiful area. At one point it felt like we had reached the edge of the earth. So remote, so beautiful, up high on the edge of the sea. Thankful for moments like this that keep us refreshed.



3) The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society :: After five years of this sitting on my shelf, I finally read this quick, enchanting novel by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. Set in the aftermath of World War II, the characters were so rich, funny and endearing, and the unfolding history of this literary society was surprisingly profound. Especially after visiting Loop Head this week, I could so envision the Channel Islands and the community of Guernsey. I want to go to there.

4) This video mashup of The Lumineers' Ho Hey and Will Ferrel's impersonation of Harry Caray.

5) Compassion on Instagram :: Celebrating their 2nd anniversary on Instagram, Compassion International is sponsoring a Photo Scavenger Hunt. Through the end of July, you can participate by capturing an image of one of several items including - but not limited to - a baby scale (representing their Child Survival Program), a flag of one of the nations where Compassion works, a goat or cow (representing the livelihood of the developing world), a stethescope, and many more. I've just joined Instagram for android and am already bummed I missed so many cow picture opportunities on our trip out west. :) For more image ideas and how to enter, visit Compassion's Blog. And don't forget to use the hashtag #compassionhunt. And if you're not on Instagram, no worries! You can also join in on Pinterest, Facebook, Google+ or Twitter. Oh, and did I mention there are prizes...?

Ok, so what are you up to this week? Any favourites?

Reading equilibrium

A lot of things get put on hold when you move: organizing, cooking, and cleaning, to name just a few. Also on my hold list these past few months? Reading. You know I love to read, whether I finish the book or not, and I've missed these down times of quiet reflection (or late nights of page turning thriller).

But as we've begun to normalize over here, I've found that I have a bit more head space and emotional energy to put into my first love: books. Here's what's gracing my nightstand, nook screen, and library check-out/overdue bill:

Bring Up the Bodies, by Hilary Mantel // Confession: I've seen several episodes of The Tudors. I'm sorry. It was a moment (month) of weakness (boredom), and I utterly regret it. I do love me some British monarchy historical fiction (go, therefore, and watch Cate Blanchett as Elizabeth) and Cromwell is a fascinating character study. I'm only a couple of chapters in, but Mantel is a beautiful writer and has fleshed out a complicated and cunning Cromwell. And her descriptions of the English countryside in late summer... breathtaking. Fingers crossed I finish it! (ooh, fun fact: Bring Up the Bodies won last year's Man Booker Award. Do you know who was on the judging panel? Matthew Crawley! (may he rest in peace...))

Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young // I was turned on to this devotional (I cringe to even use the word, as I'm notoriously terrible at keeping up with devotionals and moonwalk away from typical women's ministry-type things) by Sarah Bessey, who is a trustworthy reviewer of the legit spiritual genre. A couple of girlfriends and I are reading this together, and so far I am really just loving it. Jesus Calling is written as if Jesus were talking directly to the reader, so when I find a spare moment for the day's reading, I am immediately quieted and stilled (not an easy task for me).

Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn // I wanted to love this book. Everyone seemed to love this book. And truth is, I couldn't put it down. It is an utterly engrossing book. But it also left me with a major no feeling, like I was duped into a story I did not want to know about, with characters I did not care to see survive the finale. Flynn has a gift, to be sure. And she's a Kansas City gal, so I do want to support her and her "local art," so to speak. But, no. I hated it.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood, by Rachel Held Evans // Another one of my blogging favourites, Evans spent a year trying out several supposed biblical mandates for us ladies, ranging from covering her head to sitting on her roof. I purchased it on a great Nook sale this weekend and look forward to sharing my thoughts with you after I read it. (Spoiler alert: I may end up being biased, and as I've read a lot of review of this book, have a fairly good idea where I'll stand on it... but I want to actually read it before I rave about it.)

***

What are you reading these days? Any recommendations?

Cry, till it's out of sight

We have a moving tradition: we cry, till it's out of sight.

Our first home was in Oak Park. Matt moved in first, bringing hand-me-downs and woodworking projects to the brownstone apartment. I sat in the living room, under the bay windows, reading in a green chair. This was the life (as my sentimental mind remembers it): young love in romantic Chicago, stained glass over the mantle, a white cat and an antique bed ensuring - no matter how bad our fight was - we rolled to the middle, every night.

After our wedding and summer of getting to know yous (sharing a bathroom with a boy? another parking ticket?), I decided to take a semester off of school. Our parents were severely disappointed, no doubt, as the first sign of marital mediocrity was the wife without a degree. We'd made a promise to them - I would finish school - but I just couldn't go back. Not yet.

So I found a job. An independent bookstore. A large, loving Irish-Italian-Catholic family owned the place and ran it like it was an extension of their family tree (it was). They welcomed us naive newlyweds in, showered us with love and homemade tiramisu, honored our education and Biblical insight. I quickly became the go-to person on the slight semantic differences between the NIV and the NLT, sitting behind the desk inhaling the thick scent of new books and Yankee candles. This was heaven, and about as close to the Shop Around the Corner as I was ever going to get.

I've never loved any place as much as I loved Oak Park. We were surrounded by trees and art and front porches and children. As we exited Austin, turning left on our street, a sign greeted us: "Oak Park, IL is a nuclear weapon free zone." This was not comforting, but it was true to form. The People's Republic of Oak Park, we called it. Taxes were crazy, the rent only went up-up-up, and the hippies... oh, the crazy old hippies. And I loved it there, right up until we left it.

I went back to school full-time (still keeping my hours at the bookshop) and we tried to balance life and school and friends and books. Chicago itself was so busy, so fast. We were exhausted, couldn't keep up. Our building was bought out and I was graduating and paying an additional $200 in rent for our one-bedroom apartment just didn't add up.

The bookshop, too, was bought out. The family we had loved, in the face of big bad Fox Books Borders moving to town, decided to retire and move on. And we were both looking for full-time work that didn't leave us gasping for nickels and dimes at the end of the month. We knew we couldn't stay, we knew it was time to go, so we packed up our hand-me-downs and wedding-gifted afghans and cried.



I write this all with the next move at our fingertips. Every two years, this is what we do. We fall in love, we build a life, and for reasons beyond our control, one road ends while another opens up, and we move. 

And we cry, till it's out of sight.

Where was the first place you called home? And how did you leave it?

The freedom to be different :: 31 days of messy parenting {day 23}

The most convicting thing I've read all week:

...the first characteristic of grace-based homes is: They are homes that give children the freedom to be different. It is not a grace-based home when parents allow their children to be free but then punish them for being different. If you have a different child and remind her about the sacrifice you've made to accommodate her quirks, it is not a context of grace...

Grace Based Parenting, by Dr. Tim Kimmel (p. 141)

My slow clap for 7 {a review}

I'm interrupting this regularly scheduled 31 Days series with a major announcement:

I have finished yet another non-fiction book! Thank you for the slow clap.

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by the hilariously brave Jen Hatmaker rocked my socks off. I've already hinted as much in my post for (in)courage about the chapter on Waste, but I wanted to share a bit more about this brilliant book and it's main message:

Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom.

Truth be told, I was afraid. I'd heard about this book, and really, the last thing I wanted to read was something else to make me feel more guilty (than I already do) about what I wasn't doing (or wasn't doing well enough). But this is not that book.

You see, God had already called Jen to a life changed. And He's already called me to that, too. But the thing is, I don't think many of us really know what that change is to look like. We feel in our bones and in the (very) few contemporary worship songs that touch our hearts, and see in the sojourners who have gone before us into the great unknown of risky obedience, we have been set apart to do and be something different, but what that is...? Well, I for one am fumbling in the dark, hands outstretched, feeling for something tangible to keep me steady and point the way.

This message gets drowned out with busy nonsense. It gets overshadowed by online bill pay and mandatory church programs and the school pick up line and coffee meetings. We see glimpses of it in a random blog post or an invitation in the mail, but then mom, i need this permission slip tomorrow! and when is dinner ready? and oh my gosh there is just so much junk in my house where did I put that email address?!

Are you feeling any of this? Well, apparently Jen was, and they were soon making choices of change: resigning from the big (well-dressed) church, planting a church in an undesirable neighbourhood, and pursuing the call to adoption, to name just a few. But then a hurricane-displaced child showed up, recognized affluent wealth in the open doors of her 2400 square foot home, and Jen's mutiny against excess began to take shape.

Food, Clothing, Possessions, Media, Waste, Spending, Stress. These are the areas of relatively normal human life where Jen saw something amiss, something that needed to change, something that needed some... tweaking. Thus began a year-long experiment of abstaining from (or practicing anew) one topic, for one month, in seven simple ways.

Jen's LLOL humour (literally laugh out loud), her obvious hard-spent research, and her trial-and-error approach kept me reading. As did her refusal to turn this project into another form of evangelical guilt-turned-legalism (spoiler alert: she fails sometimes!). This book, her experiment, is about freedom. It is about letting go of a culturally desired, but not entirely necessary way of life. It is about thinking before you eat, before you spend, before you throw away, before you turn on the computer. It is about asking yourself, in that oh-so-1990s way, What would Jesus do?

And it's about loving God, loving your neighbour, loving your city and loving the world in actions and in truth.

When I closed the last page of 7, I did not feel guilty. Quite the contrary, I feel empowered. I feel like a good friend had just walked me through a refining fire, showing me the glory on the other side (I miss my new good friend Jen). I can see tangible acts of change, of grace, of mercy, of Gospel living. I can see small steps in obedience that lead me closer to Jesus.

This is no formula and it is no checklist. 7 is at the very least a guidepost, at the most a call to repentance. It is an ebenezer, and it is a challenge. I hope we're all brave enough to write a different script, to embrace a counter-cultural life of simplicity and stewardship, to put God's heart above our bottom line. Less of me, more of Jesus.

Oh, that sounds so nice for a change.

My new good friend Jen did not compensate me for this review in any way. But I'm not above a tweet shout-out or friending on facebook. 

So tell me, have YOU read it? Or is there something else on your nightstand that I have to know about?

Trash nerd (reflections on waste and creation care)

I'm a worrier. On top of worrying about money, about my kids, about school, about our car in Ireland which has spent the last 2+ years sitting in someone's front garden, about our jobs, about the girl's eczema, about my eczema, about moving, about staying... I could go on and on.

And the environment; I really worry about the environment. And when I say environment, I mean God's creation. Because that's what it is: His earth, His plants and water and animals and people... God's garden. 

This worry began around 2002 when Matt worked in lawn "care" and came home with his glasses covered in yellow pesticide fuzz, steadily increased in Ireland where we planted our first real garden (Schrute Farm), and escalated to it's peak during the Great Diaper Crisis of 2009 (we calculated that by the time Ash was potty trained, we would have been diapering for 10 years, and the mere thought of another 5000 diapers wasting away for the next 500 years in beautiful Ireland was just too much to bear). Being green in Ireland is easy, you see, for there is only so much land to give to waste and you are emotionally and financially bound to your compost and recycling bins for fear of going over your rubbish weight allotment.

Upon arriving back in America (with our cloth diapers in tow), I couldn't wait to throw away some stuff. All the stuff. Oh what freedom was to be had in just throwing any old thing away.

But... I couldn't do it. I'd hold my hand over the trash can and fret. Where will this broken plastic container end up? How long will it rot (or not rot) there? And this sock? It has no partner, no use to us, but when does synthetic fabric break down? Do I just throw. it. away?

This is why Jen Hatmaker's chapter on Waste in her recent book 7 speaks to me. Jen recognizes and calls out the hyprocrisy modern Evangelicals perpetuate: we advocate for the redemption of souls, the regeneration of hearts and lives of eternal worth, while we abuse and misappropriate the earth's resources for our temporal, costly comfort. 

"My luxuries come at the expense of some of God's best handiwork: forests, petroleum, clean air, healthy ecosystems. We also ravage the lands of vulnerable countries, stripping their resources for consumption. The wealthy world has a sordid history of colonization, ruling by force over indigenous people and providing from their natural resources and local labor. Yes Africa, we'll take your diamonds, gold, and oil, but you can keep your crushing poverty and disease." p.136

Here's a (not so) cute anecdote. Earth Hour, a short investment of time on a Spring Saturday evening where anyone can turn off the lights, the TV, anything requiring an outlet or a cord. It is a worldwide event. Back here in America, as we planned to participate in an hour of semi-darkness, some good church-going people had other ideas. "I'm going to turn every light and every appliance on during Earth Hour," an acquaintance posted on Facebook, "I want those people to see how ridiculous it is." To add insult to injury, he equated it with God's call to the church to be a shining city on a hill. Literally.

We want to save people, yet we belittle the very people and organizations who are trying to save, redeem, and breathe new life into God's creation.

So mad props to Jen Hatmaker! She starts with a bang, going from zero to 60 in one month; from not recyclying a darn thing, to composting, shopping second-hand, driving/sharing one car, and researching locally made hemp tennis shoes. It is clear that God is challenging her and growing her, both in and out of their new backyard garden.  And it's challenging me, too.

I loved reading her insights and struggles, relating the split personalities that emerge when trying to make smart, economical, healthy, local, environmentally-friendly choices (I, too, spend about a half hour per shopping market aisle in a mental health death match with five other Karen Konsumers - see what I did there?).

Here's the question she poses that sticks with me:

"What does it mean to be a godly consumer? What if God's creation is more than just a commodity?"

I don't have the perfect answer to this, but only - like Jen does - can I seek to try... to try to do the right thing, to try and make wise, eternal choices. Here are some ways we are trying:

• Recycling (glass, plastic, paper, cardboard)
• Reusable shopping bags
• Shopping farmers' markets twice a month for local, organic yumminess 
• Buying mostly second-hand for kids' clothes
• Attempting to grow some green things on our tiny balcony (namely: hydrangeas and basil)
• Using and reusing BPA-free water bottles (no plastic bottles in our home... except for diet coke 2 liters)
• Waste-free lunches for kids (reusable lunch boxes, snack bags and sandwich containers)
• Repurposing lumber and old furniture for new projects

Notice what's missing? Those cloth diapers. He's three now and could remove them at will... but we donated them to a friend, so really, we're still good I think.

So, we're trying. We love God, we love His people, and we love Creation. It's right there in our family purpose statement.

"I'm done spearating ecology from theology, pretending they don't originate from the same source." p. 150

Me too.

Have you read 7? What do you think it means to be a godly consumer?

The good, artsy, weird stuff (weekend links)

My wee fam is away for a couple of days, so I'm enjoying a bit of my favourite pastime: reading good stuff, listening to good stuff, and watching weird artsy movies I don't usually get away with when the man is home. Here's just a few of my weekend tidbits:

READING:

The Slow & Inefficient Work of God, by Anne Jackson (via Relevant)
This article is a beautiful and poignant reflection on the slow, hard, gracious work of God in our hearts and lives:

He illustrated it with waves of the ocean, moment by moment moving in from the vast sea to land. In one wave, this motion does nothing. But slowly and inefficiently, whatever is in the ocean’s way becomes worn smooth... 

I thought about the pew in front of me, worn and glassy from those who had rubbed past the gloss, through the stain, and worn the wood down to satin in their desperate fingers.

The slow and inefficient work of God.

LISTENING TO:

The Jesus Record, by Rich Mullins

When I need spiritual recalibration and some good Jesus music, I listen to Rich Mullins. He was killed in a car accident 15 years ago this month, an event I remember vividly even though I was just discovering his music. This record features original demos and some of my favourite lyrics: 

See the scars and touch His wounds
He's risen flesh and bone
Now the sinners have become the saints
And the lost have all come home

WATCHING:

The Tree of Life, directed by Terrence Malick

Um, wow. Just wow. I think I get it... maybe. A quote from Job brilliantly sets up the movie, perfectly illustrating the majestic duality of nature and grace as displayed in God's creation. Yeah. I don't know. But I think we are the dinosaurs and heaven is an unending, undulating ocean. Right? Maybe? 

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth?...When the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? 

Job 38:4,7

What do you indulge in on a quiet weekend? Have you seen The Tree of Life? Can you tell me what it's about?

A summer of reading, music, and not much else

Last week I had a fantastic skype with my friend Nicole, updating one another on our lives, our kids, and - what's turned into one of my favorite aspects of our relationship - what we're reading, watching, and learning.

And since it's summer, and our schedule is more relaxed and fluid than it normally is (which for our family isn't saying much), the books and movies and activities to-do list is more fun than obligation.

So here's what we've got going on this summer:

My Books:

Still: Notes on a Mid-faith Crisis, by Lauren Winner : a book on navigating the "middle" of one's faith, Still leads me towards creative inspiration and hallowed prayer. Winner writes of a marriage ended and faith lost not from a place of bitterness, but from profound longing and anguish; a refreshing - though painful - perspective.

Grace-based Parenting, by Dr Tim Kimmel : This book comes recommended by loads of people and I'm averaging about one page of notes per five pages of reading. Confession: I don't read a lot of parenting books, so I don't have much to compare it to, but I feel none of the guilt and frustration I usually feel when I come across a how-to parenting book. Rather, I feel supported in our counter-cultural holistic family lifestyle.

Death Comes to Pemberley, by P.D. James : You know not only am I a fiction girl, but I'm an Austen girl. I was hesitant to pick up this continuation of the Pride & Prejudice story, written by a modern author, but it's a great mystery surrounding one of Austen's most stupefying characters: the sly Mr Wickham.

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, by Jen Hatmaker : On date nights, Matt and I usually end up at Barnes & Noble. Sans children, an hour alone with books and coffee is pure heaven for us. I picked up this book, and before I knew it, had read the first 30 pages before closing time. When I shared this with Nicole, she said, "Oh, I just finished it!" Like minds and all that. Thankfully, it was on sale for the Nook so I - gasp - bought it.

Full book reviews - hopefully - will be forthcoming (if I finish them... you know the drill). Stay tuned!

My Kids' Books:

Jack is reading several books by Kate DiCamillo, including his running favorite, The Mysterious Journey of Edward Tulane. I love that my boy loves books. And after months of urging him to try reads outside of Potter and Star Wars and Magic Treehouse, I'm so happy to see him explore new things.

Ella loves Eric Carle. Right now our nighttime favorite is The Very Busy Spider. Asher, who is much too busy for books, even gets in on the mooing and meowing action.

Mad props go to our local library, for loaning me these books and welcoming my rambunctious brood several days a week, and, as always, for being patient with the subsequent fines. Also, honourable mention to Sarah Bessey and her 10 books a day series. My to-read list has never been longer!

Music:

Mylo Xyloto, Coldplay : This album is brilliant. Coldplay seems to be one of the few bands that grows in lyrical content, style experimentation, and musical depth each and every go 'round. Love them. Love this album. Dance, work out, and/or cry to it. Favorite track: Charlie Brown.

The Shelter, Jars of Clay & Various Artists : This is our Sunday morning album. From the back of the car, I hear Ella sweetly singing "Where you lead us, we will follow," and I know she's not just singing the words, but she's singing the story of our family. Favorite track: Out of My Hands.

The Suburbs, Arcade Fire : I was late to the party on Arcade Fire, but I'm so glad I arrived! We have nearly nightly dance parties with the kiddos to this album, and I find that the post-modern-alt-rock arrangements touch my soul in ways not felt since Coldplay's Rush of Blood to the Head. Favorite Track (do I have to pick just one?): Ready to Start. (currently $2.99 on amazon!)

Movies:

The Way. Matt and I have been wanting to watch this film for ages. Several of our friends have walked "El camino de Santiago," or, The Camino, arriving home with stories of God and renewal. The movie is touching and has an internal, brooding kind of way about it. Not bad, but rather contemplative and stirring. And the cinematography! Oh, this film is gorgeous, in vivid European color and texture.

The Ides of March. Beware the film with sketchy protagonists. This film is meaty and fastmoving, and I felt like it was over too soon. As it reaches the climax, you know how it's going to end, but you still want to believe in the goodness of powerful people, even when you realize it's a mirage we're all only too willing to believe.

The Chronicles of Narnia films. This is our go-to cinema party staple. Good, family-fun fantasy, with spiritual depth and many teachable moments. My favorite is The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe adaptation; my children's favorite is Prince Caspian. But don't get my husband started on The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, unless you want to continually hear sighs and weary proclamations, "That's not how it happens in the book..."



Activities:

A friend of mine recently lamented that she had heard of the lazy days of summer, but with her six children, the concept eluded her (for good reason!). I can't speak for everyone, but somehow we have embraced these so-called lazy days. Maybe it's the heat, maybe it's the lack of a yard, maybe it's apartment living or transitional living or the days of waiting we still find ourselves in. Whichever reason, our keys to lazy living are this:

1. Forts. We build a lot of forts. In the living room, in the dining room, in the kids' room. It's messy and things get moved around and usually someone gets milk or food on my favorite quilt, but it keeps all ages occupied and happy for at least an hour or two.

2. TV. Yes, sadly, we watch a lot of TV these days. But I'm trying to mix it up: videos from the library, wii games, Friday night cinema parties, Netflix, and so on. Some days I feel uber guilty about it, this enormous amount of screen time, and other days I'm all like, "It's hot, I'm tired, they'll survive." That, in a nutshell, is my summer motto.

3. Occasional Outings. We are a one-car family, and with the heat, we really don't do many outings. Usually just one or two big ones a week. And by big I mean walking all three kids to the library or local playground before it hits 90 degrees at 9am. We alternate library outings with splash park outings and trips to the farmer's market, depending on the car situation.

4. Quiet times. By lunchtime, we all - kids and mom included - need a break from each other, so I make everyone take a non-negotiable quiet time in his or her (or our) room. Ash usually (still, but not for long!) naps, but Jack reads and Ella plays with Legos. Quietly. Sequestered. Away from Mom. Even if just a half hour, this helps us all slow down, recalibrate and face the rest of the day.

These things aren't much, but it's just about all I can do to keep the sanity around here. Our life is unorthodox, our near-future ambiguous, and I'm trying to not take it so seriously or, conversely, treat it too mundanely. We spend our days together, we laugh, we bodyslam, we jump for joy when daddy comes home, and - sometimes - we chew on the television remote. 

Ok, that's just the toddler. 

So.... what are YOU doing this summer? Any ideas for beating the heat in tight living quarters? Potty-training tips? Book suggestions for kiddos or adults? Summer recipes you want me to have my husband try?

[disclaimer: book/music suggestions contain affiliate links]

Till We Have Faces (stays with me always)

"I can't imagine a man really enjoying a book and reading it only once." CS Lewis

I've read Pride & Prejudice no fewer than five times, The Red Tent three or four times, and this week I finished Till We Have Faces for the third time.

I first read this book in college, passed down to me by husband who took a class called "Images of Christ in the Novel." When we first met, we bonded over our mutual love of Lewis and, as he was further ahead of me in school, he would slip me obscure(-to-me) titles on the side, books beyond Narnia and mostly nonfiction.

"Here, I think you'll like this," he would say.

The Great Divorce pricked my heart, and Screwtape Letters shown a light in the darkness, the first half of Surprised by Joy I've reread half a dozen times (for the life of me I cannot get to the end of it!), and Mere Christianity I was content in him having read it, so I didn't need to. But Till We Have Faces has stayed with me, on my nightstand always, with Matt's name on the inside and his post office box number written in pencil below. It is torn and taped and I won't part with it. Ever.

This book, I don't know how to describe it. It is otherwordly and dark. It is beautiful and aching. It is confusing and so hard to grasp, that when I read it I feel like I'm trying to catch up and get a glimpse of its truth. When I get to the end and the narrative stops so short I catch my breath, I want to cry because I know there must be more. Orual will tell me the secret. But she doesn't and I go back and reread, searching for the answer. 

I wish I could put my finger on it, but I think I'm actually afraid to. The truth is that I am Orual and her sin looks to me as natual as any other. Jealousy masquerading as love. Pride masquerading as sacrifice. Self-hate masquerading as humility. And the gods, she rakes questions and accusations at them, ones I know in my heart but dare not write down or utter in prayer.

“Lightly men talk of saying what they mean. Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, “Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that’s the whole art and joy of words.” A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the centre of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about joy of words.” 

I, too, am jealous of Psyche, for she knows the secret and the answer. She is content with a god she cannot see, an otherworldly home she is destined for.

“The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing — to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back.” 

The men in Orual's life, within the Kingdom and the temple, trade theories and suggestions, and I am just as torn by them as Orual is. Who to believe, who has the answer? Why the riddle, and why can I not figure it? Why is there so much mystery, why all the mysticism, where can I find the cut and dry truth?

We want black and white, when everything is shrouded in grey. And when we finally see the answer, it may be too late.

"I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"

Oh, this book. Nearly 15 years later and I'm still wrecked by it, learning from it, undone by its strange story. I'm sure I'll read it again, soon... closer to the truth, the dark beauty and mystery of love.

10 books I'm currently not finishing, part 3

Well, we have finally (after much procrastination) reached the stunning conclusion of my groundbreaking series, 10 books I'm currently not finishing. Oh, I made a button!

My nightstand is getting pretty full these days with books I want to read, have just started, or am on the cusp of finishing. Still gracing my shelf: Culture Making by Andy Crouch, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller, and Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I fully intend on finishing these, but... well... you know the drill.

Anyway, I've added a few to this collection, thanks to dear friends who pass on their favorites or online giveaways or library binges. So without further ado...

How We Are Hungry, by Dave Eggers :: Our friend Tom, in Ireland, sent this to me. He heaps love on our little family by surprising us with paperback packages on our doorstep every few of months, and this one is no different. It's been ages since I've read a book of short-stories and I nearly forgot how much I love them, ruminate on them, and come back to them. I'm three stories in and am finding that Eggers is as much versatile in prose as he is relevant (the most haunting so far: What It Means When a Crowd in a Faraway Nation Takes a Soldier Representing Your Own Nation, Shoots Him, Drags Him from His Vehicle and Then Mutilates Him in the Dust). When I have a few minutes of solitude or a hungry heart, I find myself picking this little book up again and spending a few minutes with Dave, and by extension, with Tom.

The Money Saving Mom's Budget, by Crystal Paine :: I was so excited to win this in a giveaway on Homemade Ginger. My friend Megan runs the show over there and is amazing at passing on frugal tips and creative homemaking adventures. Seeing as how I'm not super awesome at the homemaking thing yet, but how we are pursuing to live simply on less in transition and beyond, this book came at the perfect time. After reading the first chapter, I've been skimming through some of her lists and tips and am happy to see we've already made some budget-friendly changes, while still being challenged to try more (this has gone hand-in-hand with my new venture in menu planning).

You Can't Make Me [but I can be persuaded], by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias :: I'm not sure if you've realized this yet, but 2 out of 3 of my children are strong-willed. With this book I'm learning more how to interact with them instead of yelling at or crying with them. I've been hop-skipping through chapters depending on what the current need or issue is, and while Cynthia talks a lot about older strong-willed children, I think I can glean a thing or two about training the younger ones in the ways they should go. I think I'll be keeping this book with me for a long time as the girl veers towards eventual scary tweendom... oh, how I fear those days!

And there you have it, the 10 books I'm currently not finishing! I hope you've discovered something that you can... wait, that's not 10? That's only 9 books? So it's actually the 9 books I'm currently not finishing... Hmm... well... I guess that's par for the course.

What are you currently not finishing?

Am I really already amazing?

My discerning heart and my critical spirit spend loads of time duking it out with eachother, trying to see who will say uncle first. I like to think that I come to new books with a discerning heart, but more often than not my critical spirit gets there first and it can take chapters to put that spirit in its place and discover the true, beating heart of the author's message.

And in You're Already Amazing, it took me till chapter 5. Keep reading...

Trying out delight for size, in five

I started it. My list.

1. Red front doors.

Things to be thankful for, not just things that make me happy. But they do make me happy. I recognize the joy in them. The delight.

2. A fire on a cold day.

They're not there for nothing. Not given for waste. There is only one reason beauty exists in this world. Common grace.

3. My firstborn, 9 and healthy.

I could be cynical and ignore it. I try to. Only for the flowery, I say. Only for the farmer women, the super holy ones, the ones who cry watching the Hallmark channel.

4. Cookies for breakfast.

This is not for the woman with hard lines, with snark and sass and attitude. Not for the doubter, the wanderer.

5. Pink cheeks to match her pink shirt.

But it is. Because it's a crime, a sin, to not bear witness. To recognize it, to delight in it, to accept it is saying thank you.

6. A moose hat to keep the wee lad warm.

It is saying, "I know. I see You. It's all from You, and it's all Yours."

7. A roomy apartment to shelter us. (Forgive me... I have been so ungrateful for it.)

He withholds no good thing from us.

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Five Minute Friday with GypsyMama.