When at last I need her

22 February 2013

She reached me under cover of darkness - literally - hiding in my room behind closed door and drawn blinds, curled up beneath sheets. I called her that morning, told her I couldn't go on, that something had happened, that I needed her Right Now. The dorm phone rang and I knew it was her reaching for me, buying me a train ticket, meeting me to take me home.

I don't know what happened that year, to my brain and the serotonin levels and the fear that clocked minutes away like eternity. She didn't know, either. But she knew enough to know I needed her, and a good therapist, and probably some meds. She knew enough to know that when I reach out, it's usually a last ditch effort. She knew enough to know that after you've done it all on your own (which she did), after you've raised a daughter to be independent and bold and unafraid of the world (which she did), when fear collides with reality, she knew enough to wrap her wings around me and let me nest awhile.

14 years later (more than that really: years and years and divorce and adulthood and marriage and kids and moving-half-way-around-the-world later), it's still a mystery to me, that she never gives it a second thought. She answers the call. She gives freely. Even when I don't want to, she waits for me, when at last I need her.

ella & granny

Following a lovely series at Lisa-Jo's blog about what our mamas did. What did your mother do, for you?

10 comments:

  1. I often call my mother as a last ditch effort too.. So glad we have mothers who are willing to come every time we call. Blessed to read your story today :).

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  2. That is so precious. Thank you for sharing your sweet Mom with us today. I am visiting from Lisa-Jo's place.

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  3. Oh Karen, I nearly wrote a similar story. Of how I rang my mom that evening, and told her I needed her to come, told her I was scared of dying, told her how I couldn't do this anymore. And she rang the next morning, and she told me how she would fly across the world to be with me, how she would drop everything, and she came.

    I am thankful for both of our mothers that hold us tight and love us.

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    1. Oh, I'm so thankful, too! Would love to hear more of your similar story. xx

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  4. beautiful story. thank you so much for sharing!!

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    1. Thank you, Jessica. :) Sometimes I have to dole out these tough (but beautiful) stories bit by bit...

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  5. Karen,
    Stopping in from FMF... Thank you for sharing, and bless our Moms for knowing just what we need, and when we need it!
    Sue

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