On practicing motherhood, until it comes naturally

06 February 2012

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It does not come naturally to me, this motherhood. To get up at 3am to the sound of a cry, to stand in a dirty kitchen haphazardly feeding little warriors with bottomless bellies, to teach and to humble and to repent and to forgive... this all does not sync easily with my haughty heart.

And there have been tears in the dark of the bathroom, and unanswerable questions whispered to the heavens, and shameful wonderings that this can't possibly be all there is: to wipe bottoms and press play on the DVD player. Because some days, this is in fact all there is. Poop and the Wiggles.

Then some days, there is so much more. With the tying of shoelaces, he is independent. With her picking out her own clothes, she expresses creativity. With toilet paper in my face in my most vulnerable moment, he asks, "I help you?" They are my partners in this. We are learning together. And it is me that they want to become, who they are trying to impress, who - with hearts full - they are actually trying to serve.

It does not come naturally to me, but they seem born for it: to help their mom discover who she is. They teach me how to ask for help, and how to rejoice in each small success. It is mostly not fairytales, and very rarely are there roses, and more than I'd like to admit there is frustration, and yelling, and stomping feet down the hall.

But then, we stand in that very same hallway as the eldest calls out, "Three cheers for Asher! Hip, Hip..." for he has peed on the potty and it is not just his success, but all of ours to claim.

"Hip, Hip..."

"Hooray!"

"Hip, Hip..."

"Hooray!"

"Hip, Hip..."

"Hooray!"

I think every day that they still love me and want to learn something new with me is victory. We are practicing motherhood together. Until it comes naturally.

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EmergingMummy.com

14 comments:

  1. This was beautiful! You have a way with words. Thank you for sharing your "practice". It has given me new perspective.

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  2. Really enjoyed this post! Totally resonate with the poop and Wiggles bit. :) I like thinking about our kids as partners in parenting, so to speak. Isn't it amazing how much THEY end up teaching US?

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  3. And that is what parenting is really about...practicing life together...and when will life come naturally...I am waiting for that day, but think it might be on the other side.

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  4. This was beautiful - thank-you. They have so much to teach us - it is such a privilege to be a part of the process. (stopping over from the carnival - http://macattackmondays.blogspot.com/2012/01/following-child.html)

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  5. What a great reminder that...unlike we are often told...it does not usually come naturally. That doesn't make it any less of a beautiful journey, which your post so well shows.

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  6. "It does not come naturally to me, but they seem born for it: to help their mom discover who she is. They teach me how to ask for help, and how to rejoice in each small success. It is mostly not fairytales, and very rarely are there roses, and more than I'd like to admit there is frustration, and yelling, and stomping feet down the hall."

    I love the reversal. Thank you for articulating this so honestly and beautifully!

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  7. Oh boy, I can relate! I reallly love the idea of all learning together. It's the truth, I think.

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  8. i love this of doing motherhood together... you are doing great mama, whether it came most naturally or not :)

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  9. So beautiful!! This post spoke to me since we too re in process. Journeying together. Visiting from the link up, can't wait to visit your other writing.

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  10. Ladies, thank you so much for your beautiful and encouraging comments. I love it when I discover my journey/struggles/frustrations/victories are not so weird or rare. Thank you!

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