On the day I started a Facebook page (which was yesterday), I had almost instant buyer's remorse.

"It'll be me and 5 friends who feel sorry for me and then I'll say something off-hand about alcohol and someone will unfriend me, or call our employer, or stop supporting us (all of which has actually happened), and then I'll have to censor, and do I really want more readers, because sometimes I just complain or cry or write love letters to the lock on my bathroom door, and really, what do I have to offer about faith and motherhood and transition that wiser women haven't noted before me, so maybe I should just delete it and let it go."

But I kept it anyway, and as of this count have 13 friends who "Like" the blog, so that's like a 150% return on my initial risk assessment (that might be fuzzy math). And it's not so much about the readers, or the Likers. It's about community and accountability and maybe seeing where and how God might allow me to write, work, or serve in the future.

And rabbit holes are fun.

And so is moving outside your comfort zone.

So Outside Comfort Zone, I'm Karen. And I write. And occasionally I yell. But it's still a poem to the King, and to you. And to anyone else who has a river of words flowing from their thirsty souls, just waiting to spring forth into the wide open sea. Or in this case, Facebook.

Best of '11 in Words : Facebook fasting and other Lenten activities

I've not really done a Best Of when it comes to my own words, but 2011 turned out to be not too shabby when it comes to the practice of writing. Not that it's all be brilliance, but I turned back to writing this year when other things seemed to slip through my fingers. So I've spent a bit of time rereading what I put down and to see if I've embraced it or hidden from it or changed from it. And here, from March, is the first...

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We didn't really do Lent growing up.

I'm not really sure why we didn't commemorate it, but I think we always considered our family and church just plain old Christian... nothing fancy like Catholic or mainline Protestant. They did the big-word type things (lent, confirmation, catechism, etc), not us. In fact, I didn't think twice about it until we moved overseas and it seemed like everybody - and I mean everybody, including my 6 year old little boy upon arriving home from school - declared a traditional belief in the cross by bearing it's ashen symbol on their foreheads. I think a part of me fancied this notion, this obvious display of faith (or rather, if I were to be honest, of religion). There were conversations had and ideas floated and it came to pass that the husband and I decided to do Lent.

Now, I cannot remember what I "gave up" for Lent that first year, but I'm pretty sure it was chocolate, and I'm more than sure it was short-lived. My noteworthy failure at abstaining for a few short weeks left me disturbed by my apparent weakness, lack of self control, and inability to maintain a true sacrificial faith.

Since that time, I began contemplating Lent, what I really truly wanted to give up for this period of meditation. What did I cling to that I did not need? What took up time or wasted precious energy? What was it in my life that was more distraction than enhancement of who God created me to be? The answer was quite obvious: Facebook. I could very well go on about the evil toils of Facebook, but you most likely already know them and can see where I'm headed.

Instead I'll tell you I looked forward to Lent this year, not just because of my anxiousness to rid myself, temporarily, of this self-serving vice (who doesn't get a kick out of posting mild braggings and beautiful pictures of children and husbands for all the world - and exboyfriends - to see?), but also to consider "putting on" something in deference to what Christ put on for me: all the shame, all the sin, all the pain in the world, on His shoulders as payment for what I will and would do.

So for Lent this year, as I give up Facebook for 40 days, I'm going to try and put on communing with Jesus - and with you - through writing. My mind has been too cluttered lately, my thoughts too fuzzy, my soul too parched to really share with God and with others what's in my heart. I'm looking forward to clearing the air, opening the windows, and letting the wind and the sunshine in. I know He has been waiting for me to do this, and even now I'm wondering why I needed to wait until Lent began to do this. I could've, should've, done this ages ago!

But, today is where I am and today is where I start. I'm desperate to meet the Father here in a new way, and I hope you'll come meet me here, too.

What I really want to put as my Facebook status, but could never...

Karen...

...is really sad.

...is misunderstood and misheard.

...doesn't like it when people raise their voices at her.

...doesn't like it when people put words in her mouth and interrupt her before she gets a chance to finish her thoughts outloud.

...wants to apologize, but isn't really sure what she should apologize for.

...wishes she could clearly communicate what she wants to say.

...doesn't want to be a martyr (figuratively, speaking).

...wants to feel adequately represented without feeling inadequate.

...comes away from meetings feeling like a child.

...thinks it's time to let go of that sad little girl on the inside.

...wants to not care about what people think of her.

...thinks some (not all) American conservatives are losing their minds.

...doesn't want to feel ashamed of supporting healthcare for all people.

...is a political independent, maybe even slightly left of centre, and it doesn't make her evil or less of a Christ follower. It may even mean she's attempting to follow Him more closely. 

...is afraid that no matter where she lives or how old or mature she gets, she might always be a misfit.

...thinks it's really, really, really hard to be a mom of three in another culture, and she wishes that feeling that way didn't imply she was weak.

...will someday be so spiritual that all that other crap will be meaningless.

Anyone else want to share their secret, shameful Facebook status?