Backwards...
Sometimes I feel like I've lived my life in reverse order. I fell in love the first time before I was old enough to drive. Got married before I was legally allowed to drink, let alone be a real grown-up. Had kids when I still felt like one, myself. You get the idea. I never really felt like I'd done things in the proper order or in the right way.
So in looking back over this past year... I came back to America kicking and screaming (figuratively, that is... no security risks here). I spent an angry, lonely, depressed summer in Wisconsin. I came back to my hometown anxiously and with a few reservations. Moved into this apartment where I type this now wondering how long we had to put up with it before we could move out and back far away. And here I am again, in June, not knowing quite how the summer, the year, or our lives will turn out.
But in looking back and seeing how not great at all I started out, I also see the people, and the church, and the art, and the family, and the school, and the community... all the things that made what started out as (feeling) wrong turn into something right. Who said we were supposed to trust our feelings anyway?
Linking up here, again, with Gypsy Mama, to make sure I'm writing... and striving towards what's ahead.
We are finding our way through a huge year of transition - though an easier one. It's a difficult place to be, but the blessings continue to be numerous.
ReplyDeletelove your realness...
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing...
it's seems that it's in the hard times the Lord refines us the most...press on...
We married very young as well - just after the legality of drinking in our province in Ontario - 21.
ReplyDeleteWe are still happily married after 40 years. Yes we have had ups and downs but if you take each minute as a blessing and count it, thank God for it - all will be worth gold in due time.
Love reading your blog.
Jan
I am nothing if not overly, awkwardly real. :) Thx for the comments all. I'm continually amazed that my story is not so weird and unique, that I can share it with strangers and feel kinship. Thx for joining me here.
ReplyDelete