I am notoriously indecisive. My husband can attest to the amount of time it takes me to choose between different options of mild cheddar cheese in the grocery-store dairy aisle. I weigh everything, and then I second guess my first, second and third instinct until an hour later I'm paralyzed by price per kilo and I grab three packages of string cheese and head for home.

So yeah, it's kind of an issue. Especially when it comes to design and even more so when it comes to Christmas cards. I want to be whimsical, yet organic; fun, yet elegant; timely, yet timeless. But most of all I want our family Christmas cards to be unique: a snapshot-peek into the values of our family and the importance of the season.

One might think perusing holiday card options over at Minted would put my indecision into hyperactive overdrive. I mean, really:




I wish I had designed this card. I also wish my children would sit this sweetly together for any length of time. This picture of my own children may not look so amazing with a Minted design, though it would at least improve it:

Remember our peace experiment? Calm-ish seems about right.

And not only are the designs beautiful, but I was surprised to discover Minted also gives you the option to personalize cards with different paper, borders or colours. They also have plenty of non-photo cards to choose from as well. This is so much better than perusing the Christmas card aisle in Target during this crazy shopping season. Oh, and they offer free envelope addressing.

My usual default to indecision is overpowered by the knowledge that the perfect design for sharing Christmas cheer from the Emerald Isle is in this batch of offerings. For our family, we're not looking for flash or loads of fonts. We want something that says, We miss you. Wish you were here.

And I love the ethos behind Minted:

Our mission is to find exceptional artists and designers all over the world and bring their work to consumers who appreciate great design.

So check out the selections at Minted if you're interested in trying something a little different for your holiday cards. Sadly, compliant children not included.

What say you? Do you send out Christmas cards? Photo cards? E-cards? 

Disclosure: this post is sponsored by Minted. I'm happy to partner with them because I value good design and supporting artists. The views expressed here are entirely my own. Visit my advertising page for more information.

Sundays with the poets :: At home in Ireland

because it never was, never once, but then
how to explain that sometimes I can hear
the river in those first days of April, making
its way through the dusk, having learned
to speak the way I once spoke, saying
as if I didn't love you,as if I wouldn't have died for you.

from The Room in Which My First Child Slept by Eavan Boland
Source: Poetry (October 2006).

***

I have fallen in love with this poem. Go immediately to Poetry and read it in its entirety.

Irish movies :: at home in Ireland

There are two kinds of Irish movies. The kind Americans love and the somewhat realistic kind. Leap Year falls into the former category. Once in the latter. It's like any movie filmed in a city/state/country you know well. Location discrepancies or flubbed accents can detract from an otherwise well-told story. And while I'm no expert, Gerard Butler's accent in P.S. I Love You is a prime example (or Julia Roberts in Michael Collins or Tom Cruise in Far and Away... you get the idea).

I hesitate to even list my favourite Irish films - pronounced fil-ims - as I'm sure there are some unrealistic aspects to them, but for the benefit of my massive world-wide audience (amiright?!), here's my top five:

1) Once. Obviously. The intimacy of music mixed with love.
2) The Wind That Shakes the Barley. Brutal, epic, disturbing, beautiful.
3) In America. Heartbreaking, yet redemptive and hopeful.
4) Veronica Guerin. The acting is equal parts stunning and scary.
5) The Secret of Kells. Gorgeously animated.
Honorable mentions: Michael Collins and Waking Ned Divine.

Of course, there's a bucket-load of Irish movies I need to see but somehow haven't:

1) The Guard
2) My Left Foot
3) The Commitments (there is no excuse for me not having seen this yet)
4) Ondine
5) In the Name of the Father

Irish films are just, well, I think they're just brilliant. Maybe I'm biased, but there's something so nuanced and haunting about the stories they tell. I finish nearly every film with an ache in my chest that's hard to describe.

For these 31 days I'm writing about making our home in Ireland. At times, this involves a lot of movie watching. I tell myself it's good cultural research. Do you have a favourite Irish film? Or one that was made in your own city or region? 

Sundays with the poets :: At home in Ireland

Pilgrims smiled at one another:
How good God was,
How much a loving Father!
How wonderful the punishing stones were!
Another hour and the boats will sail
Into the port of Time.
Are you not glad you came?

from Lough Derg
Patrick Kavanagh

***

This October I'm writing every day on being at home in Ireland. But on Sundays I'll be sharing the words of others... with pictures that, of course, will never do their words justice.

What I'm Into {August 2013}

Another month is over and this one was nearly as wild as the last. We had visitors, travelled to Germany, started school back up again, and celebrated a couple of birthdays. In the midst of all this, we missed our old home in Kansas City just a little bit and missed our stateside family much more than just a little bit. And I wrote a little bit. And then I didn't. I submitted some stuff and I waited (still waiting, actually).

This month was more than I bargained for, but isn't it always that way? Then before you know it, the wind turns and there's tiny golden leaves hiding in your backgarden. Summer is over. Autumn come quickly.

BOOKS

I'm sure this will come as a shock, but Christian Fiction, as a genre, generally disagrees with me. Or I with it. I don't know if it was all the Karen Kingsbury novels I binged on in the early 2000s or the Janette Oke(eydokey) young love reads. If I were to defer to any type of "Christian" fiction, give me Greene or Lewis (images of Christ abounding, the former of which hidden among scandalous love and despair), and if I were to be honest, give me some Francine Rivers (love her beautiful, touching Lineage of Grace series).

So it was with a bit of trepidation sprinkled with optimism that I read Shades of Mercy, by Anita Lustrea and Caryn Rivadeneira. And I've got to tell you: I liked it. A lot. More than I thought I would. This is a story where simple (in the best way) characters come up against difficult issues of race, discrimination and doing what's right in the face of societal odds. The heart of this story is Mercy, but the compass is her father, Paul, who does more than tolerate those who are different. He leads in love (more than words) and depth of character (more than pity). Not only did I enjoy this read, but I could give it to my 10-year-old and discuss the themes, the calling, and the obligation we have to show mercy, grace, and compassion on everyone. I also deeply appreciate the research and sources the authors took advantage of in writing the story of the Maliseet... those of us who grew up in the boom of the 80s haven't really been encouraged to comprehend (or even discover) the plight of Native Americans, then and now. [you can see a trailer for the book here]

Also... Painted Ladies, by Siobhán Parkinson. This was my Germany read, which actually suited it quite nicely. Spanning Copenhagen and Paris in the late 19th century, Painted Ladies follows the young life of Marie, the real-life wife of artist Soren Kroyer. It's beautifully written, ironically tricking you into coveting the same romantic artist lifestyle that is a sweet mirage, cut with sharp edges. It's hard to root for the lovers, though (he's standoffish, she's willfully ignorant) and the ending is ultimately unsatisfying, but despite these more-than-minor-details, Painted Ladies was a summer read I could not put down.

And an e-book: Take Courage, by my friend Jennifer Ebenhack, who bravely welcomes us into her shifting world as she struggles with panic, anxiety and fear culminating in the Haiti 2010 earthquake and lingering as she and her family make a new home and life in the States. I'm so thankful she took the time to share her journey, write down her hopes, and remind us where true reality is found. And I'm so grateful to see how God brought her through, brings her through still, as she heals and moves forward as a mother and writer. Not many of us would be this transparent and honest, but with Jennifer's testimony, we all may have a little more courage to be so.

TV

So, we're only watching one show this month and it's Broadchurch. I'm a sucker for emotionally intense crime dramas and this UK series fits the bill to the max. Only 8 episodes tell the story of murdered boy Danny and the family, town and police dealing in the aftermath. Who killed him? I think it's Joe, the husband of Detective Ellie. But we're only halfway through (spacing it out, so as not to experience David Tennant overload - and then withddrawal - like we did with Doctor Who), so don't tell me!

MOVIES

Last night we finally saw Star Trek Into Darkness. It was so intense, I spent most of the movie curled under Matt's arm hiding my eyes (a rarity, as you are aware of my aversion to cuddling) and then couldn't sleep for an hour. Also, I'm devoted to Benedict Cumberbatch. There, I said it. And he was crazy, scary good.

MUSIC

All of our new music this month came from Noisetrade, a music download service that offers you the chance to download EPs (and sometimes whole albums) for free, but with a tip-leaving option. We got music from Jars of Clay, Audrey Assad and Derek Webb. 

And for my birthday? Tickets to see The Lumineers in Dublin in November. Hooray!

THINGS I LOVE

• skipping through Dublin
• after dinner walks
• a trip overseas, just Matt and me
• cool, fresh, mountain air
• a visit from my mom and sister, graciously babysitting for a week plus a couple of days of pure fun
• summer field trips with the kiddos
• Jack having a brilliant time at kids club
• birthday dinners with friends (who bring pressies, and flowers, and cake!)
• the first day of school coffee with matt (without kids)
• our giant sunflower in the back garden, finally in bloom
• lunch in the playbarn with the wee lad, on our final day together before preschool starts
• new friends
• old friends
• hearing about the history, culture and love of words among the Irish as they celebrate the life (and mourn the passing) of Seamus Heaney... I can't get over how art and Ireland are so intertwined... they breathe words here. I am in love.

...for more things I love, you can follow me on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

posing in front of the American Ambassador's Residence... somehow we always make a scene.

ON THE BLOG

Most read... this old post on Equally Shared Parenting, due to a very nice retweet from Rachel Held Evans

Runner up... We do marriage counseling (and it is good)

My favourite... On how God's way is a beautiful mystery, revealed to me on my birthday

SCRIPTURE (new addition)

All sunshine and sovereign is God,
generous in gifts and glory.
He doesn’t scrimp with his traveling companions.
It’s smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies.
Psalm 84:11-12 [the message]

***

So that's it for August. What are you reading, watching, listening to? I'm in need of some new book inspiration... would love some ideas!

What I'm Into (June 2013)

Bloggers like my friend Mary and my pretend friend Sarah have been doing these little monthly round-ups for awhile, so I thought I'd give it a go (and in lieu of actual writing that requires things like effort, tears and focus).



BOOKS

I'm in the process of reading or have very good intentions of reading:

Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott :: I previously swore off Lamott for her crazy liberal heretic-type-ness, but all my besties love her and I'm struggling with writers' block and other types of creative crises, so I'm giving her another go. This is her book on writing and it's just so funny, encouraging, realistic and concise. And because of Bird by Bird, I have many, in her words, "shi**y first drafts" pending, so I guess it's working.

Art & Faith, by Jon Bowles :: Matt read this book almost entirely in one sitting and then demanded I read it. He even wrote notes in the margins. That's as good of an endorsement as you'll ever get from him, so this is next on my to-read list. Also, Bowles is a pastor in the Crossroads District of Kansas City, where we left good chunks of our hearts, friends and family.

Mudhouse Sabbath, by Lauren Winner :: I've been reading this book off and on for over six months now, but it's not for lack of enjoyment. This is a wonderful, short, spiritual book about the practices and sacraments of Judaism that could benefit us non-liturgical Gentile believers. I come back to this book when I'm on the bus, have found a quiet moment in bed, or in need of a little spiritual disciplines boost.

TV

Most of our telly time is taken up with watching Doctor Who. We're finally reaching season 7 and look forward with unfathomable amounts of anticipation for the 50th anniversary in November. Also keeping us up late...

Homeland :: Picked up season one at the library and could. not. stop. watching. It was a very intense laundry marathon for me. Damian Lewis is remarkable and a favourite of ours since Band of Brothers and Life. And I am always in for a good spy drama. But viewer beware: it is dark and gritty and graphic. I fast-forward... a lot.

Graham Norton :: He's kinda like a late-night comedian a la Letterman, I think? Actually, I don't really know, but it's a talk show and he's pretty affable, and this episode of Steve Carell, Kristin Wigg and Chris O'Dowd will have you spitting out water. Literally.

In the queue... Bono's interview with Gay Byrne for RTÉ1 on faith, music and the meaning of life. Everyone on this island is talking about it... come to think of it, America is talking about Bono, too, but for his interview with Focus on the Family (meh). I'll go with RTÉ1 first. I recommend you do, too.

MOVIES

Ruby Sparks :: My lady friends and I watched this last night and it was funny, poignant, totally existential and a bit dark. Highly recommend. Paul Dano and Zoe Kazan are now my favourite in real life celebrity couple, followed closely by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (what? they're not a couple in real life? whatever).

What to Expect When You're Expecting :: I watched this in a moment of weakness. The writing and/or dialog was all off and awkward, and apart from Elizabeth Banks and Ben Falcone, the ensemble vascillated between sleep-acting (Cameron Diaz) and over-acting (Dennis Quaid). I still cried when they all did (or didn't) have their babies, but can only recommend if you want to zone out in a field of nothingness for an hour and a half.

In the queue... Looper, Life of Pi and Silver Linings Playbook (already a favourite but one Matt hasn't seen yet).

MUSIC

On repeat these days... Josh Garrels, The Flint Hill Fellowship (have you bought it yet?!?!), Coldplay's Mylo Zyloto Live, and the Lumineers.



THINGS I LOVE

Dinner and a movie with friends.
Asher being potty trained. Huzzah!
Ella and Matt woodworking side by side.
How much Jack loves school.
The potted flowers by our front door.
Going through old wedding photos.
Bright mornings by the sea.
Our anniversary.
Friends who prayed for us this week.
Friends who drove us to and fro when we were in need.
Friends who offer to babysit out of the blue.
Instragram for android.

AROUND THE WEB

I covered most of these things in my Five Friday Favourites, but I also mostly love this post by Ed Stetzer and gasped audibly when reading this one from Jamie Wright.

ON THE BLOG

A smile = happy (most-read and my personal favourite)
The Lazy Mom's Guide to Summer (most-pinnable)

Brought to you by the link-up with HopefulLeigh...


Your turn. I would LOVE some recommendations!

Note: links include amazon affiliates. if you click over and purchase, i may get a nickel or two. eventually. :)

Public Service Announcement

It's here!

Would love it if you'd support our friends with The Flint Hill Fellowship as they release their first record. If you listen closely, you can hear us in Ireland playing it on repeat, stomping our feet, singing loud and thinking of home.

Well done, guys.


The Flint Hill Fellowship: Screen Printing from Dragan Visual Media on Vimeo.

Reading equilibrium

A lot of things get put on hold when you move: organizing, cooking, and cleaning, to name just a few. Also on my hold list these past few months? Reading. You know I love to read, whether I finish the book or not, and I've missed these down times of quiet reflection (or late nights of page turning thriller).

But as we've begun to normalize over here, I've found that I have a bit more head space and emotional energy to put into my first love: books. Here's what's gracing my nightstand, nook screen, and library check-out/overdue bill:

Bring Up the Bodies, by Hilary Mantel // Confession: I've seen several episodes of The Tudors. I'm sorry. It was a moment (month) of weakness (boredom), and I utterly regret it. I do love me some British monarchy historical fiction (go, therefore, and watch Cate Blanchett as Elizabeth) and Cromwell is a fascinating character study. I'm only a couple of chapters in, but Mantel is a beautiful writer and has fleshed out a complicated and cunning Cromwell. And her descriptions of the English countryside in late summer... breathtaking. Fingers crossed I finish it! (ooh, fun fact: Bring Up the Bodies won last year's Man Booker Award. Do you know who was on the judging panel? Matthew Crawley! (may he rest in peace...))

Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young // I was turned on to this devotional (I cringe to even use the word, as I'm notoriously terrible at keeping up with devotionals and moonwalk away from typical women's ministry-type things) by Sarah Bessey, who is a trustworthy reviewer of the legit spiritual genre. A couple of girlfriends and I are reading this together, and so far I am really just loving it. Jesus Calling is written as if Jesus were talking directly to the reader, so when I find a spare moment for the day's reading, I am immediately quieted and stilled (not an easy task for me).

Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn // I wanted to love this book. Everyone seemed to love this book. And truth is, I couldn't put it down. It is an utterly engrossing book. But it also left me with a major no feeling, like I was duped into a story I did not want to know about, with characters I did not care to see survive the finale. Flynn has a gift, to be sure. And she's a Kansas City gal, so I do want to support her and her "local art," so to speak. But, no. I hated it.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood, by Rachel Held Evans // Another one of my blogging favourites, Evans spent a year trying out several supposed biblical mandates for us ladies, ranging from covering her head to sitting on her roof. I purchased it on a great Nook sale this weekend and look forward to sharing my thoughts with you after I read it. (Spoiler alert: I may end up being biased, and as I've read a lot of review of this book, have a fairly good idea where I'll stand on it... but I want to actually read it before I rave about it.)

***

What are you reading these days? Any recommendations?

Sentimental birthday typo

We just celebrated Matt's birthday this week, and like all things with Big Plans, the day got little out of whack. I came down with a bad full-body cold and the weather dipped below freezing, so our fun day out with Ash in the city was a no-go.

I decided to redeem the day by special ordering snow (thanks, God) and designing a subway art picture to commemorate the life Matt and I have lived together all these 13+ years. I've seen these everywhere online and thought to my delusional self, "That can't be that hard." And in truth, it wasn't. I just picked an idea - cities we've called home - played around with fonts and layouts, and voila! Homemade pressie for husband of the year.

I mean, really, look at this touching, yet simple, sentimental work of art.  I was seriously so proud of this I posted it on Facebook so people could ooh and aah over my wifely awesomeness. Oh, hey, what's that? A typo?! Yeah, so apparently, not that awesome. I am queen of submitting, publishing, printing, sending of anything and everything right before discovering the typo. This is just the latest in my line of almost perfection.

But Matt, he loves it anyway. He says it's an homage to one of our favourite albums, (Come on Feel the) Illinoise by Sufjan Stevens. And maybe he's right and it's only for us, anyway. And he can't spell, either. Match made in heaven.

Flint Hill Fellowship (a call to art)

Sometimes God forces our hand. He leaves us without many options, in a tight place, and we find ourselves calling out for help. It's hard to do that, to lean on other people, to make ourselves vulnerable, allow ourselves to be needy. But this is where service, compassion, and love come in. And that's what makes communities, families, and homes come alive. That's where Jesus dwells.

We found ourselves there more than once. And one sweet time (or two) John and Hailey answered the call. These guys, they are a gift, filled to the brim with fresh air and laughter, cocktails and books. They do it all and have done it all for us, including love on our kids and create lyrics and melodies.

I told Matt once I think I had found my heart language. We were new at Crossroads and new to this type of worship (a small, acoustic family circle, really), and I breathed it all in, came up new again. It wasn't John and his guitar (though talented) or the old hymns come to life (though inspired), but it was the atmosphere of peace. Of Spirit. Of humility and joy. Of stomping feet and raised hands.

Writing about it is hard, because we're gone now. So here's a taste for you (if you look closely, you'll see the wee three make a special cameo):

Praise and Thanks from John Dunne on Vimeo.

John and the Flint Hill Fellowship have recorded an album due to be released late Spring. But like us, they need a team of people to make it come alive (like the music, itself). We are so honoured to share the passion they have for God, for art, and for community, and we hope you'll consider joining us in supporting this work.


Erin Martinez, cello. Credit: Flint Hill Fellowship

Oh, and for your support, John is offering up awesome perks like name credit, handmade book of chord and lyric sheets, or a limited edition poster (have I mentioned that John is also a fantastic graphic designer?). I mean, really, how you can say no?

UPDATE: only a couple of days into their indiegogo campaign and they're already over halfway to the $2500 goal! Get in on this fast. :)

My Easter Playlist (UPDATED)

A couple of years ago I put together an Easter playlist (one of my most searched-for posts - thank you, Uncle Google!). Since today is Ash Wednesday, I'm reposting and updating my list of songs that follow me through the Lenten season...

Karen's Must-Have Easter Playlist

(in alphabetical order by song, non-exhaustive as this is limited to my own itunes catalog)

40 / U2
All Because of You / U2
Amazing Grace / Sufjan Stevens
Awake My Soul / Mumford & Sons
Awakening / Sara Groves
Beyond The Sky / Fernando Ortega
Body And Wine / Jars Of Clay
City Of Sorrows / Fernando Ortega
Come Clean / Audrey Assad
Come Thou Fount / Sara Groves
Come Thou Fount / Sufjan Stevens
Come, Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy / Fernando Ortega
The Comforter Has Come / Jars Of Clay
Creed / Rich Mullins
Death and all his Friends / Coldplay

Every Season / Nichole Nordeman
Gethsemene / Keith and Kristyn Getty
Gloria / U2
Grace / U2
Hallowed / Jennifer Knapp & Phil Keaggy
Handel: The Messiah - Allegro Moderato
He Reigns / Newsboys
He Will Come / Waterdeep
He's Always Been Faithful / Sara Groves
Healed / Nichole Nordeman
Holy, Holy, Holy / Sufjan Stevens (download this now. seriously. right now.)
How Can I Tell / Sara Groves
How Deep the Father's Love for Us / Page CXVI
How Deep the Father's Love for Us / Wilder Adkins
How He Loves / David Crowder Band
I Am / Nichole Nordeman
I'll Wait / Sara Groves
I Will Sing Of My Redeemer / Fernando Ortega
I Will Wait / Mumford & Sons
In Christ Alone / (it doesn't matter the artist)
Jesus Blood Never Failed Me Yet / Jars Of Clay
Jesus, King of Angels / Fernando Ortega
Jesus, You're Beautiful / Sara Groves
Kingdom Comes / Sara Groves
Less Like Scars / Sara Groves
Love Will Find Us / Jars Of Clay & Sara Groves
Lover of the Light / Mumford & Sons
The Man Comes Around / Johnny Cash
My Deliverer / Rich Mullins
My God Has Come to Save Me / Waterdeep
No Greater Love / Jars of Clay
No One Else / Fernando Ortega
Precious Again / Sara Groves
Precious Lord, Take my Hand / Kansas City Chorale
Psalm 18 / Waterdeep
Psalm 131 / Waterdeep
Rest in You / Waterdeep
Rise Up / Ben Shive
Roll Away Your Stone / Mumford & Sons
Romans / Jennifer Knapp
Sing Alleluia / Jennifer Knapp & Mac Powell
Sing To Jesus / Fernando Ortega
Something Changed / Sara Groves
Tears Of The Saints / Leeland
There Is A River / Jars Of Clay
This Too Shall Be Made Right / Derek Webb
Till Kingdom Come / Coldplay
The Transfiguration / Sufjan Stevens
Walls & Tall Shadows / Waterdeep
We Will Follow / Jars of Clay & Gungor
What If / Nichole Nordeman
What is Not Love / Derek Webb
Where The Streets Have No Name / U2 (Please Single)
Yahweh / U2
You Are Lovely / Waterdeep
You Are the Sun / Sara Groves
You Did Not Have A Home / Rich Mullins
You Did That For Me / Sara Groves

So, if you're keeping track, essentially anything by U2, Sara Groves, Rich Mullins, Waterdeep - and, yes, even Mumford & Sons - will do you well this season. (And once my friend John's album is released, you can be sure next year's list will be oh-mazing.)

This post contains zero affiliate links. Just me lovin' on some artists. I've linked to those that are new, indie, or not yet known so you can discover them, too. 

What music speaks to you this time of year?

The good, artsy, weird stuff (weekend links)

My wee fam is away for a couple of days, so I'm enjoying a bit of my favourite pastime: reading good stuff, listening to good stuff, and watching weird artsy movies I don't usually get away with when the man is home. Here's just a few of my weekend tidbits:

READING:

The Slow & Inefficient Work of God, by Anne Jackson (via Relevant)
This article is a beautiful and poignant reflection on the slow, hard, gracious work of God in our hearts and lives:

He illustrated it with waves of the ocean, moment by moment moving in from the vast sea to land. In one wave, this motion does nothing. But slowly and inefficiently, whatever is in the ocean’s way becomes worn smooth... 

I thought about the pew in front of me, worn and glassy from those who had rubbed past the gloss, through the stain, and worn the wood down to satin in their desperate fingers.

The slow and inefficient work of God.

LISTENING TO:

The Jesus Record, by Rich Mullins

When I need spiritual recalibration and some good Jesus music, I listen to Rich Mullins. He was killed in a car accident 15 years ago this month, an event I remember vividly even though I was just discovering his music. This record features original demos and some of my favourite lyrics: 

See the scars and touch His wounds
He's risen flesh and bone
Now the sinners have become the saints
And the lost have all come home

WATCHING:

The Tree of Life, directed by Terrence Malick

Um, wow. Just wow. I think I get it... maybe. A quote from Job brilliantly sets up the movie, perfectly illustrating the majestic duality of nature and grace as displayed in God's creation. Yeah. I don't know. But I think we are the dinosaurs and heaven is an unending, undulating ocean. Right? Maybe? 

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth?...When the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? 

Job 38:4,7

What do you indulge in on a quiet weekend? Have you seen The Tree of Life? Can you tell me what it's about?

The piano wall

It is finished.

18 months in the making (give or take), my husband has finished the piano wall; the crowning masterpiece of our baby grand deconstruction.

Why on earth would you deconstruct a baby grand piano, you ask? Well, because my mother was moving and it was old and fragile, unable make the move with her. Professional piano movers refused to move it, saying it would be better to take it apart and salvage the parts before they would risk it.

My mother grieved in her driveway, said goodbye to the antique mahogany piano that had brought her new life, and phoned us with a strange idea. We would dismantle it ourselves, and Matt would salvage it, redeem it, make it into something - several things, actually - beautiful again.

So we did.

With every bit of piano we unscrewed, lifted, separated and removed, our hearts broke a little bit. A man's hands built this. Maybe several men. It is thick with artistry, heavy with shape and form. We undid each shoulder, each ligament, each leg, until it literally lay in pieces in a wood shop downtown.

And then, very slowly, it came to life again.

Oh, and it is for sale. In case you need new life, too.

My last Chicago post... maybe... at least for now.

I feel so incredibly blessed to have called three cities home: Kansas City, Chicago and Dublin. Though we only had a few child-free, carefree hours in Chicago (including, but not limited to, a radio tour with a girl named Trish, a trip on The Brown Line, and being so close to a piece of art you can see the artist's pencil etchings framing the parchment), it was more than enough time to restore this suburban-sprawled-out soul.











I know what your thinking: "Enough with Chicago! When are you going to post your long-awaited review of Downton Abbey, Season 2?!?!"

All in good time.

How do you spend the good times, restoring your soul?

Till We Have Faces (stays with me always)

"I can't imagine a man really enjoying a book and reading it only once." CS Lewis

I've read Pride & Prejudice no fewer than five times, The Red Tent three or four times, and this week I finished Till We Have Faces for the third time.

I first read this book in college, passed down to me by husband who took a class called "Images of Christ in the Novel." When we first met, we bonded over our mutual love of Lewis and, as he was further ahead of me in school, he would slip me obscure(-to-me) titles on the side, books beyond Narnia and mostly nonfiction.

"Here, I think you'll like this," he would say.

The Great Divorce pricked my heart, and Screwtape Letters shown a light in the darkness, the first half of Surprised by Joy I've reread half a dozen times (for the life of me I cannot get to the end of it!), and Mere Christianity I was content in him having read it, so I didn't need to. But Till We Have Faces has stayed with me, on my nightstand always, with Matt's name on the inside and his post office box number written in pencil below. It is torn and taped and I won't part with it. Ever.

This book, I don't know how to describe it. It is otherwordly and dark. It is beautiful and aching. It is confusing and so hard to grasp, that when I read it I feel like I'm trying to catch up and get a glimpse of its truth. When I get to the end and the narrative stops so short I catch my breath, I want to cry because I know there must be more. Orual will tell me the secret. But she doesn't and I go back and reread, searching for the answer. 

I wish I could put my finger on it, but I think I'm actually afraid to. The truth is that I am Orual and her sin looks to me as natual as any other. Jealousy masquerading as love. Pride masquerading as sacrifice. Self-hate masquerading as humility. And the gods, she rakes questions and accusations at them, ones I know in my heart but dare not write down or utter in prayer.

“Lightly men talk of saying what they mean. Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, “Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that’s the whole art and joy of words.” A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the centre of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about joy of words.” 

I, too, am jealous of Psyche, for she knows the secret and the answer. She is content with a god she cannot see, an otherworldly home she is destined for.

“The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing — to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back.” 

The men in Orual's life, within the Kingdom and the temple, trade theories and suggestions, and I am just as torn by them as Orual is. Who to believe, who has the answer? Why the riddle, and why can I not figure it? Why is there so much mystery, why all the mysticism, where can I find the cut and dry truth?

We want black and white, when everything is shrouded in grey. And when we finally see the answer, it may be too late.

"I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"

Oh, this book. Nearly 15 years later and I'm still wrecked by it, learning from it, undone by its strange story. I'm sure I'll read it again, soon... closer to the truth, the dark beauty and mystery of love.

To write about something, the sequel

July is nearly over and I've done very little writing. As luck would have it, this week I'm at a conference for  "artists, geeks and storytellers". All three terms may describe me at any given time, so now is as good as any time to break away and write for a bit.

For those wondering, the baby is doing really well. He's had zero after-effects from his fall and is as wily and happy as ever. We feel so grateful to God for protecting his little skull and helping us to move on and forget the details of that bad day.

Our full-time work in the arts community downtown is closing up shop, both literally and figuratively. Where we invested the majority of our time has permanently closed its doors, opening up the door for us to spend more time investing in the climb back towards Ireland. Still, we are sad and a little bit aimless as we say goodbye to this sweet phase of ministry and relationship, while still looking forward to continuing this gospel-centred culture conversation on the other side.

I'm hoping to put some better thoughts down on screen later this week as this conference settles into my soul. For now, it's weird and slightly unnerving. In every direction, I see excess. Floor to ceiling screens, projections, free t-shirts and a fully functional coffee-shop, all within the confines of the largest church building I've ever been in. Culturally American Christianity is big business. And I feel more and more like just a mom, who's just trying to raise her kids to grow up to still love Him, and maybe try to love and serve some people in the meantime.

Do we really need a triple-wide-screen for that?

These are a few...

Friday is here again and with it, some more Five Minute Friday goodness from GypsyMama. Check her blog out, and then try it yourself. Five minutes, off the cuff, no looking back...


...of my FAVOURITE things...

The first Friday of the month is a big day around our house. That means payday was last week, rent is right around the corner, and summer is coming quicker than I'm ready for. The week of first Friday sees the husband in mad preparations for the First Friday Art Walk, an event we've started to cherish. He's an artist (for) now, don't you know, and on the first Friday, we get an evening to ourselves, with several hundred of our starting-to-become favourite people, sharing life and ideas and visions and creative expressions, in the hopes of pointing people to a God who created us and put the thirst for creative expression and the joy that comes from it inside each of our fragmented hearts.

This first Friday also means we pack the kiddos up, backpack carrier and little girl purse in tow, and take the kids to the once-a-month indoor flea market, where we root for treasures to perk up our transitory existence. I'm trying to make our home, wherever it may be, a real home for however long He blesses us with it. In Ireland it meant searching out just a few hand-crafted pieces of a new (to us) cultural identity, filling our then-home with tiny pieces of an Irish life. Here, back where we began, it means going to those old places for inspiration and re-imagination, a rebirth in our for-now-home with a couple of carefully chosen quaint Americana items that ground us in who we are and where we came from.

I love this part of life... finding a place for new people in our big, ever-changing world.  And giving a second chance to small things that become our new favourite things... hopefully small enough to fit in a suitcase and adventure with us to the next-new-home.


this one, I know from experience, does not fit in a suitcase