Until now, we have been referring to the womb baby as Baby Question Mark. Well, there is no longer a question as to what this baby is. A sonogram this past weekend confirmed we are expecting a baby BOY! 

We're all pretty psyched about it and can't wait to meet this little one. The sonogram also showed that while he is a bit on the big side (at nearly 35 weeks he weighs 6 lbs, 1 oz), everything looks good and there's no need for worry. Apparently short people carry big. Ha! 

As I'm sure you can tell from previous posts, it's actually been a quite difficult pregnancy, emotionally and physically. I know a lot of you have been praying for this pregnancy and our baby - I'm so thankful! 

 

Mamacita

A couple of updated pregnancy photos... I feel that I've never ever been this big before, though clearly that's not the case as I gained 60 lbs with Jackson and somewhere around 10 or so with this one (I'm guessing - I have only been weighed once here, praise God).

 

Freak Out

Because you know how much I love Top 10 lists, here is a list of things I'm freaking out about. 

(Note: Some of you are new to Pregnant Karen, but several of you who read this are more than familiar with the wacky, illogical and hysteria-like ramblings of Pregnant Karen in her 3rd trimester. To the new people - I hope this doesn't make you question your judgment in following my blog.)

Top 10 Things I'm Freaking Out About

1. All the crap I have to buy just to take into hospital with me. I don't want to give birth in a night shirt with pink hearts on it. And what if this baby is huge and all the newborn things I have to take to put him/her in don't fit? And bring my own towels? Seriously? My hospital bag is already full and I still have to find/get about 6-10 items!
2. How on earth are we going to fit three child carseats in the back seat of our car? It's not like we can just get a new one, or trade up like normal people. 
3. What if we run out of money/funding and have to move back to the States with a newborn? How permanent is this home we're bringing a child into? And where would we go or what would we do?
4. I can no longer bend over, so I feel like everything around me is a dirty mess or falling apart and all I can do is just stand there and cry or try to talk the children into doing my work for me, which isn't going really well.
5. I have still not met my doctor. At this point I hope I don't have to meet him and can just have a lovely midwife/nurse/stranger by my side during delivery. 
6. This baby is measuring three weeks ahead of where he/she should be. I have now been put on a several-week-long waiting list for a sonogram. But I'm sure everything's fine, right?
7. Potty training.
8. The boy and girl won't sleep at night. They wake up at varying intervals screaming/crying/talking and then wake the other one up and then it takes hours for them to go back to (and stay) asleep. Am I to assume I will be getting up in the night with THREE children in a matter of weeks?
9. How do I take maternity leave from a "job" I technically don't have? And can I start now?
10. How is this all going to turn out? Will we be OK?
    

Welcome to Week 33.

 

Thoughts on the definition of home...

I've found myself a bit homesick lately, which has come as a quite a surprise. Not that I didn't expect these feelings to come and go at irregular intervals, but because when I was back "home" I didn't really love it the way I thought I would. And I really wasn't that upset about leaving it and coming back to the new "home". And I've been wondering about the nature of "home" and if it's really the place/people I'm missing (though there are places and people that I do definitely miss), or if it's more the feelings that being "at home" bring about. 

Being known by people who've known you for years and still love you anyway. Feeling normal or at least not out of place. Walking into a shop or cafe where friends are waiting for you. Knowing exactly what you want to order/buy and exactly how much it'll cost you. Living under the same light as everyone else - no spotlight, no magnifying glass that burns your skin when pointed right at you. Feeling the freedom to make slight mistakes without the resulting feeling of complete failure.

Whatever it is, there's a feeling in my chest that's growing sore. I can't put an exact finger on it, determine the cause, or prescribe an effective antidote, but it's there and leaving me weary.

So my new rule with a sobering post is to also reflect on a praiseworthy thing (see below). My praiseworthy thing this week: over this past year, the definite recognition of one new friend, who came over for tea last night. It may seem small to you, but it is a huge, praiseworthy thing for me.