Sitting in Malahide, waiting.Feeling sick and unsteady, and not the least bit weak,physically and spiritually.The brain works overtimewhile the body hibernates.I see evidence of boats and mossy landfancy cars and cigarettesmen in nice shoes.The sky hints that it could be blue- eventually -today.Until then, we wait.
Within an hour of writing this, it was raining and snowing. Within 5 minutes of writing this I realized what I fool I have been recently. It's been a rough few months with a lot of changes, a lot of sickness, and a lot of "what ifs". It's exhausting living this way, not altogether there. But today, as I sat in Starbucks in Malahide waiting and writing, my eyes were opened to the reality and blessing of where we are. The responsibility that comes with that, and the joy, and the adventure. My head and my heart have had divided allegiances, keeping me from fully investing in the here and now. Being wholly here, and soul-ly present. So this is what I wrote, 300 seconds after the first bit of Karen-style poetry.
I must be a fool to ever think of trading this: writing in Malahide, for staying in Kansas. I know there are coffee shops anywhere, and surely some lovely ones back "home", but there is no sea, no moss, no ships, no newness, no fear.
And then a thought: it feels good to write again. So good, I cried.
PS. No offense to the people and places in Kansas that are so ingrained in my history. You know who are and where you reside in my heart.